Imagine Me Without You

2012-01-05T00:28:00.001+08:00

*brushes cobwebs off*

Hi I'm back!!!! Sorta. Hahaha.

I left my blog when I was in an extremely fiery mood. I had to, because I didn't wanna end up spewing out things I shouldn't. I know myself very well. I couldn't stick around any longer, so then I went on a short hiatus. Its relatively short, isn't it?

I'm a lot tougher now. You can't bring me down with just a few mere words. You have a HUGE personality flaw staring at you right in the face. I would LOVE to note down every single point but honestly...... I'm not gonna waste my time at all.

Life is GOOD for me. And it will be even better in the future. I will stay alive till the day I see your downfall. Karma will bite you hard and good. I won't even have to lift a finger. I'll see who has the last laugh when we're all grown up with careers established (oh wait will you even have a career? Hmmm). You are a good-for-nothing, an utter disgrace to society. Continue doing what you love doing, dirty scumbag.

Soooooooooo I've got a new phone! Since about a month ago, I reckon. (BYE CHINA PHONE BYE CHINA PHONE BYE CHINA PHONE!!!!!! I love you, but I need 3G.)

Yes its huge but I love love love my phone!!!!!! Its kickass. I lost the stylus while clubbing though, and its gonna cost me a painful $50 to replace. :S

Also, I finally got what I've been hankering after for a loooooong time now. I finally have a solitaire diamond ring to call my own!

Since I'm wearing a silver band over it as well, I've been asked a handful of times if I'm engaged/married by friends/colleagues alike. But who says you need to be engaged/married to wear a diamond ring?!?! Not me, for sure.

Life is good, and its gonna get even better. I'm loving the time spent at attachment, and I'm loving the time spent on weekends with various friends. Granted, I always feel as if I need a lot more time to cater to friends whom I always have less time for..... but that will sort itself out soon enough in due time as soon as my attachment ends.

I'll be back with more updates!! I'm just here to show off my new wares. XD

xoxo,
VAL

2011-11-28T22:30:00.001+08:00

You should know my temperament by now. I'll always have the last word.

This is merely the calm before the storm. And guess what? My friends were right. "Embrace your flaws, and you'll be indestructible."

They were right, absolutely right.

Just wait for it... 本小姐 is much too busy now to deal with things like you. *flicks dirt off shoulder*

Mark my words when I say I will make you pay for it. Figuratively and literally.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-11-22T22:52:00.001+08:00

Lol I'm actually embarrassed to say this, but yes I'm extremely sensitive about my size and weight now, if that isn't obvious enough.

I will cast taser glares on you even at the very slightest hint if you are gonna say that dreaded word: FAT.

Yeah I'm no longer XS, I outgrew ALL my XS clothes, so is that a crime? Apparently my parents can't get used to my current size and the word that's hanging on their mouths all the time....... urgh that dreadful word. I hate it so much.

I used to be so skinny (despite my enormous appetite) that people would think that I was anorexic. And now that I'm no longer anorexic-looking, people are starting to find fault with my current size. HELLO? I grew from a size 0 to a size 2, don't you dare call me fat.

All the tension eventually got blasted that very night, when I flared up on Twitter. Yes I am still VERY sensitive about my weight so keep quiet about it. I'm still considered "skinny" by most standards but honestly? Gaining 9kg has taken a toll on my self-esteem. Its no joke putting on 7kg in a month, before subsequently gaining the other 2.

I got so stressed that very night after I flared up that I had to leave the house in tears. In case you're curious about my current weight, I'm somewhere around a 45. I'm not giving you the exact figure, but its somewhere there. So you deduct 9kg off, and tell me how underweight I was last time. And I can still be called fat now. Ha.

In any case........ life has still been very busy.

I hit the club (I meant the wine bar. I refused to step inside the club cos I. Don't. Club.) last Saturday after a strict 2-3 months period of "no alcohol". Had like 2 or 3 shots there before I stopped because again, my stomach was burning. I drank Pepsi the very next day by the way, just two sips, before my stomach acted up once again. I think I'm in deep trouble.... heh. I need a doctorrrrr~ Rihanna???

And to the one who was there for me when my relationship failed and everything went wrong... I'm still incredibly grateful to you for what you did for me back then. No words can ever express how grateful I actually am, for forking out your time, money, bed and goodness knows what else. You were there when I was at the lowest point in my life, so low that I was avoiding even my own friends. But somehow you managed to get me to your place that night.

On your new-found status, I'm pretty sure you've picked yourself up pretty well. You've always been so tough. But then just in case looks may deceive (because most of my own friends thought I was tough as well, but turns out..... hahaha), I'll be here just like how you were there for me. It may not be a lot, but I hope a good hearty meal would give you back the 3kg you've lost! XD (I didn't put your name here cos not many people like having their new-found status announced *cough*)

And I purposely changed the colour of these paragraphs in case my entry didn't catch your attention because I know you tend to drift when you see too many words and no pics!

Miss Lai is coming back in 4 days time and I honestly cannot wait. <3 <3 <3 I miss her soooooo much these past months, and living without a smartphone (sigh ALL the teenagers my age own a smartphone except for me *sobs*) means I don't have whatsapp to talk to her with!

But I'm getting my new phone/tablet this weekend....... I CAN'T WAIT. Its even better than all the iPhones, suck on that Apple supporters!!! (okay la fine I was just jealous cos while everyone was on the Apple craze I had a freaking China phone but all that's gonna change now blehhh)

Goodnight, till we meet again. XD

xoxo,
VAL

2011-11-07T04:38:00.002+08:00

It has been a crazily long and busy weekend and........ I've caught the cough + flu, AGAIN.

I've been falling sick once a week ever since attachment started. I think its the horrible temperatures I have to face every day. One minute I'm getting blasted by cold air, and the next minute, poof!!! Warm air right in my face.

My office had some sort of free flu vax (the company would be paying for it) on Friday and I skipped it. DUH. I hate vaccinations, they're worse than the jabs I had to endure from primary school. You can feel your bones tingling and aching after that damned vax jab. I hate all sorts of needles, I don't care if its free or not!

But ummm I think dad is gonna drag my ass to the doctor's one day to do a full blood count test or some other crap, I dunno. My blood pressure has been too low for comfort, and my heart beat rate is too high for normalcy. Honestly I don't think there's anything wrong with me at all, but if dad wants to "be safe" so he can feel relieved, then....... I guess a little prick is all right.

I love my dad. I don't express it very much, but I do. I know he spoils me silly and dotes on me a loooooooot. I get whatever I ask for, literally. He trusts me with one of his highest limit credit cards, and I've never taken advantage of that before. (Except for that one time I kinda went overboard and ordered 3 boxes of F21 clothes in 2009...... the damage done was incredible. I had to work in a factory to pay him off, but God blessed me and I striked 4D so yay! No more factory job. The end. Thank you God!!!)

My dad trusts me a lot because he knows I'll never take advantage of him. He knows I'm extremely gratuitous, just like him. And he definitely knows I'll be taking care of him (and mama) in future no matter what it takes.

I just deleted four entire paragraphs talking of this girl I know personally cos I found it really mean. But I really don't understand why she can be with her boyfriend not for love, but purely for material gains and for a luxurious life.

So what if your own dad isn't all that rich? It doesn't matter if you don't have an expansive wardrobe or expensive cosmetics. You are with your current boyfriend because he buys you outfits every other day and you're living life in comfort. But think again, isn't that as good as selling yourself? You're doing a trade-off, NOT entering a relationship.

I know some of you might be thinking that its easy for me to blurt all these out just because I already have an awesome dad, an expansive wardrobe and expensive cosmetics. But bear in mind that God is fair. What you're seeing is just the surface of my life. Don't assume.

I have a girlfriend who isn't well-off, yet in a relationship with somebody wealthy. Guess what? She never uses a SINGLE cent. She rejects all the clothes/cosmetics/whatever he buys, unless it is for special occasions like birthdays and all.

I respect girls like her. A lot.

And I need to crash now. My flu is toooooooooooo annoying. Goodnight! Till I have the spare time again...

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: I REALLY wish there were more than 24 hrs in a day. 24 hrs is just not enough. URGH.

To Joey Chia

2011-10-30T22:47:00.004+08:00

To: Joey Chia Hui Shan (not to be confused with my girlfriend Joey!!!)

You dropped me a Chatango message in April this year, but being the kind of (scatterbrained) person that I am, I didn't even bother checking Chatango at all till several months later. You apologised to me with a short note there, and I decided to be nice and mail you back, despite it being VERY late.

I saw your reply via email a couple of days later when I was on the itouch. I was very busy during that particular period of time and I didn't even have time to touch the laptop for DAYS on end, thank god for the invention of the itouch. And yes, I saw your reply, but I didn't bother replying because I hate typing on the itouch so I left it as that. I told myself I was gonna reply you when I finally have time on my laptop.

Several days later, I was online. I saw your second email, asking me if I could possibly remove both of my blog entries. (For those who don't know, I flamed her twice before in early 2009. I had a valid reason to do it too.)

I chose not to reply you, but then you started using your new mobile phone number to text me. Remember I mentioned I didn't check my mail at all, that's was why I couldn't reply you?

I'm sorry, but that was an utter lie. From your second email, I already noticed that you had started getting desperate. You apologised to me with a MOTIVE, and not purely for the sake of apologising out of the guilt from your heart.

How would I know?

BECAUSE YOU EVEN EMAILED MY TWO OTHER EMAIL ACCOUNTS. (so that's a total of THREE personal emails)

I would have removed both entries immediately (okay by immediately I mean when I'm on my laptop, not when I'm on my laptop to see the second mail) if I had not seen the second mail, and the consequent two other mails from my two separate email accounts.

And when I chose not to reply all, you got hold of my mobile phone number. To apologise again. Wow.

I thought you were repentant, and I promised you over text that I would remove both entries. Well, guess again. I'm not gonna do it. The least I'll do is to censor part of your address, and that's the furthest I'm willing to go.

Do NOT text or email me to apologise anymore. Enough is enough. If you were REALLY sincere in apologising, you would have done it to kill whatever remaining guilt that is still in your heart, not to apologise just to make me remove those entries.

I can no longer stand the "subtle" texts you've been dropping me the past week, going like "Hey I'm sorry to disturb but have you removed the entries?". Soooooooo not subtle at all please????

Seriously?? YOU would know, because I believe you click on both links ever so often. You forwarded both links to all THREE of my emails, so you must have bookmarked them already. (yes this part irked me too, its not as if I don't know the links?! I would have shown screenshots too but I didn't wanna be bitchy. I just wanna state my points and move on. That's it.)

Don't tell me "sorry" anymore, its not gonna work any longer. For the sake of your family, I will censor part of your address...... when I feel like it. That's the best I'm gonna do for you. I would have honestly removed them if you were genuinely apologetic, NOT BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO REMOVE THEM FOR GOOD.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-10-28T21:45:00.003+08:00

My ass is at home for a mere 1/2 hr before I rush out again for some chalet so I presume I won't be sleeping till 6+ in the morning when I'm home, which means I'm gonna be awake for 25 hours!!!!

Then for some shut eye before deciding between Halloween/dinner with my girls/birthday surprise at Capella.

Life is terribly hectic and crazy but I love every minute of it. I feel like I'm leading a more fulfilling life... I FEEL like la. When my body is overworked I start complaining and going cranky hahaha.

Air tickets to Taiwan have been booked and I'm soooooo stoked!!!! I'm heading there with three friends of mine, and I'm kinda surprised my parents actually allowed me to go. Weather is gonna be chilly so I'm already planning my wardrobe for the 8 days I'm gonna be there.

Which also means....... I'm sorry Miss Lai, I'll visit you in Perth when I've saved up enough again!!! :D I really really wanna go there too. :(

Okay gonna get going now, buh byeeee!!!!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-10-22T21:44:00.003+08:00

I love you very much Mummy2, happy birthday!!!

Bea, you and I will still be celebrating all of our birthdays yearly till the end of time, with our partners and kids in tow. Even when we resemble wrinkled prunes huddled over walking sticks, we'll still be doing this thrice a year.

Just remember I'm always a call away if anything crops up unexpectedly in your life. I'm never too busy for you or Bea!

(I'm in bangs now but I can't seem to absorb that cos ALL my pics of me are still in side fringe. And I've not taken a single pic in bangs yet since I don't camwhore hahaha.)

-----------------------------

Life has been crazily eventful since my gran passed away. From the time before she passed away, to the time she passed away... from finding out that I DO have relatives from my maternal side (nobody has been in contact for over 20 years), to finding out parts of family history...

My maternal granny won't be around for CNY next year. Instead, we will be visiting my long-lost grand-uncle/auntie and the auntie and uncle, all of whom I never knew existed. Elaborate family drama which I won't elaborate... cos there's a second family drama over my maternal grandfather's side too. Too much drama to absorb in one day.

Then it was my timetable being severely screwed up.. everyone went back to school on that Monday, and so did I, but I had no lessons, nothing. It was to see my lecturer to settle it. -_- So they've decided to send me for attachment after all (albeit A MONTH belated) and I won't have a social life for six months!!!! (Two different lecturers called me in just a mere three days of attachment cos they were so afraid I was not gonna turn up hehehe)

Its so hectic on weekdays that I'm spending a Saturday night bumming around at home. Gonna be spending tomorrow with three of my NS buddies, to have breakfast before I take a break to send Kiki to the vet for a lil while, before all of us go grocery shopping. Hahaha.

Life has been more hectic than usual, but I'm also a step closer to figuring out what I really wanna do in life. My first biz plan is gonna start up pretty soon, can't wait!! If it all works out smoothly by the time I graduate, I can forget about taking a degree and start on the second plan. God bless me! I really don't wanna study anymore... unless its gonna be in the suburbs of Aussie instead of a city like Singapore? :D

-------------------------

Joey, I will address the issue to you soon. If you are still reading, that is.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-10-11T23:20:00.003+08:00

Always remember that when you seek my help (or anybody's, for that matter), it is an OBLIGATION for me to help. I am NOT obliged to help you if I choose not to.

At least show some gratitude and not take my help for granted again and again.

Hate it when people I barely know (if they are my close friends I don't mind) only dial/text my number when they need my help. You know what? Call the emergency hotline next time if you do, I don't care.

I may be resourceful, but it doesn't mean I MUST apply my resources to solve any problem(s) you have on hand. In any case, the next time when someone I barely know approaches me for help again, I will reject you outright. I won't even bother rejecting you nicely.

Use your own friends, call the emergency hotline, break down and cry, whatever. I don't care.

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: All my cameras are NOT for any of you to borrow. Neither are my clothes, money and sanity. Piss off already, thanks. I will say yes to everything if you are my buddy. Otherwise, case closed.

2011-10-11T01:19:00.002+08:00

I think I have many things to do.......

- Plan Halloween costume (I'm so clueless about it)
- Order blushes (I keep keep keep keeeeeeeeeeep dragging I dunno why either)
- Execute final steps... (sighhh I have to stop being lazy and dragging my ass on this)
- Fix my bloody timetable
- Embroidery touch up
- Meet people whom I've yet to meet before school reopens (this is a tough one, since I've only 5 days left lolol)

My timetable got badly screwed. I'm supposed to be in attachment right now but apparently they forgot about me or something (I have no idea) so I'm gonna resume year 2 instead. Either way, I still get to be together with the people I know so thank goodness! (AND THE TIMETABLE IS STILL NOT FIXED)

I attended GEMs alone last semester, and got to know 3 awesome buddies. We've arranged to have the same GEMs again next semester, but tada!!! Because my timetable is screwed, I CANNOT register for GEMs. So I'm going down to school tomorrow (a total waste of time in my opinion) just to hand in a frigging appeal form. If they do not give me the GEMs I want (because its already full ARGHHHHH) I will....... I dunno about that yet. Let me think about it.

Thank goodness the 3 buddies are accompanying me to school tomorrow, so nice of them yay!!!!!!

So anyway D dragged me out of the house today for lunch at Giant since he's only gonna be booking in tonight, and we did grocery shopping! While we were in the car on the way there, he was like "Hey this is the first time you're in my car in the DAY time at 2pm!!!! Normally its like what, 2am?!" hahaha so random of him.

Ahemmmm our trolley carts were entirely different too. Mine was filled with cookies and junk food and random crap I grabbed without hesitation, while his was full of healthy food like nuts, green tea sachets, canned salmon...... -_-

We went off for dinner before I dragged all my groceries up the stairs.

Gonna meet Kel for dinner tomorrow since he's on block leave before booking in again next week. Haven't seen him in a long while!

I have to meet Brenda, Christy, Iris, Mann and Sheryl (surprise surprise, they're all girls!!!!) before school reopens! And not to mention, I'm gonna hang out at the arcade this weekend with two of my NS buddies, B and D (the aforementioned one). I kinda brought both of them together at Neverland and they click really well!!!

Its been more than a month without alcohol, and I like it this way. I'm not the least bit shaken when my friends ask me out weekly because they think its just a phase of mine. I know better than to go, because I'm the one curling up in pain at the end of the day, not them. They don't know how much my gastric hurts after a crazy night out.

I'm gonna start studying for FTT really soon... I think. Hahaha. I aim for at least a B in all my modules next semester, but I think my parents would be over the moon if I get a distinction for all of them instead. That IS possible if I put in plenty of hard work but knowing myself..... err.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-10-04T04:56:00.001+08:00

My granny breathed her last a couple of weeks ago. She was so, so beautiful in her coffin, looking like she just fell asleep.

I was sorry I failed to send her off on her last journey because I was sleeping... I tried forcing my eyes open, telling myself that it wouldn't hurt to stay awake for a couple more hours but I just couldn't. I had been awake throughout the entire funeral except for the last day when we were supposed to send her off. I'm still feeling very, very guilty over it. *winces*

Thanks to all who came down cos I didn't specifically tell anyone to.... I was in the "hermit crab" stage that time, and I didn't even tell Bea. I think she was mugging for her A levels? Thanks to best friend who stayed till the wee hours of the morning, love you!!!

Been locking myself at home pretty regularly for the first few weeks (err other than driving out for movies/supper at night), its almost as if I've turned into a hermit crab. I didn't feel like going out at all. I had frequent migraine attacks during that period of time and it made me immobile. Bwaaaaah.

But for the past and this week, I've been heading out every single day (for tuition, shopping and others haha) and its starting to wear me down. I cannot wait to fly to Perth to enjoy life away from the city.... I wanna sit on the rocks by the seaside for hours on end, listening to the sound of waves/seagulls/my own thoughts. I wanna eat fresh seafood in huge portions, I wanna drive recklessly. Why the hell do I always spend whatever I have....... sigh. *hates self instantly* I don't want a holiday to a city location with shopping; I want a getaway, there is a frigging difference!!!!!!!! (actually for a getaway, anywhere will suffice, but somewhere with cool weather and fresh seafood and beautiful seaside sceneries like Perth is a bonus heh)

D has been driving the both of us out pretty frequently lately since I'm no longer "booked" on consecutive Fri/Sat nights every week to drink. I cannot even stand the smell of alcohol now, it makes my stomach quench. And I don't doubt for a second that my gastric is gonna act up if I start it all over again.

In any case, D drove us to Marina Barrage on a Friday night (where we saw a shooting star!!!!! OMG!!!!! It was the most beautiful thing everrrrrrrrrrrr) and *coughs* I drove his car for awhile. Converting from manual to auto was pretty simple, but perhaps I should brake faster (and less harder) the next time cos I almost hit a BMW and D's heart was in his mouth. His car was like, an INCH away from the parked BMW after I was done hehehe. :X

Cheryl came over to my place yesterday and we spent a good...... 6-7 hours packing my clothes! I can never thank her enough. You know how it feels like to have tons of clothes, both new and worn, and yet you can never wear them so you resort to wearing the same ones over and over again cos you're too lazy to dig them out from the luggage and Ikea boxes your frustrated parents have placed in the storeroom and around the house?! I have a loooooooot of clothes but I keep buying non-stop cos of the way they are packed at home. Its like a mind game with myself..... out of sight, out of mind. Hahaha. But thank you for spending so much time and energy for helping me out!!!!!

My last tuition session with my favourite student was last Friday evening. I loveeeeee that little boy and his sweet mom to death. His mom treats me as part of the family, and she told me that we must definitely keep in contact even though tuition has to stop. She gave me a beautiful necklace (my mom says it might cost a bomb, so she's gonna check out the price at the shop lol) before we parted. I miss the both of them very much, and I have never regretted spending 2 hours travelling to and fro for each tuition session. Pity it had to stop, since he was studying in an international school and his time table is fully packed day to day. And he's only 8?! Sigh society is so so so so fast-paced now......

On a random note I went back to play my sims social earlier on and I lagged for a full 10 mins cos I spam-clicked "Accept" to all 60+ requests. Really crazy ahaha.

Good night..... or morning, whichever pleases you. I'm hoping to have pics up soon hehehe cos everytime I open my folder, despite it being fullllllllllllllllll with pics yet to be uploaded, I feel.... "why am I doing this again???" and close the folder. :D I'm sorry if you're the type who needs pics to feel entertained!

P.S: Its 4.30am as I'm typing this final paragraph, and a loud clap of thunder and a bright flash of lightning have just startled me..... and my dog. My initial reaction was to hide my face in a pillow and regret being up so late since I could have been under my covers, whereas my dog's reaction is to hide below a chair. Poor Kiki. But she didn't allow me to cuddle her for comfort. Sigh, poor me.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-09-18T06:31:00.001+08:00

I have to accept that life and death are just part and parcel of life. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from crying when I saw my granny all frail and weak, trying to breathe through the respirator. I cannot even start to explain what she has been through.... God, may she find peace within you when she breathes her last.

2011-09-15T05:41:00.003+08:00

Hahaha sorry for the second posting tonight. I just found this really funny LOL.

Logged in to Chatango after a million years, and found a couple of messages. One of it was from a girl whom I blacklisted like two over years ago.

I was re-reading both entries of mine... and WTF I DIDN'T KNOW I USED TO BE SO FIERCE!!!!!!!

So I started digging out more "bitchy" entries of mine (but you can no longer read them since I've hidden them under drafts. Only that blacklisted entry as mentioned above is still hanging around, but I might be removing it soon once she replies my mail.)

Now I know why my secondary school mates used to call me bitchy/fierce/scary. Lol. Too bad I'm no longer like that, I've toned down so much I don't even recognise myself.

Its like... I read my bitchy entries in 2009 and I start cracking up. "I was like THAT?!"

*starts reading bitchy entries from 2008 for self-entertainment*

P.S: I used to dislike a particular girl a lot cos she did a lot of crap behind my back. She's currently on good terms with an ex-primary school mate of mine. I WILL re-publish everything again if I hear anything untrue being said about me.

This girl did so many things behind my back and I didn't even retaliate. At the end of the day, can you even GUESS what she said to me?!

"I forgive you."

As much as its amusing, it pisses me off. I'll probably never forget this for the rest of my life. I don't bear grudges once a person has apologised, but she has never did. *shrugs*

For the record, I'm still living my life happily. Thank you very much.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-09-15T05:13:00.002+08:00

Been so busy I hardly ever think about blogging these days.

For starters, I think I forgot to mention I had eyebrow embroidery done quite some time back, but anywayyyyy I finally did it!!!!!! I've been going out without makeup more often than I can even remember.

And moving on, I think I'm supposed to visit a doctor if I want to live longer.. lol. I've never had any gastric problems before in my life. Not even once. But about two to three months ago I sorta realised that I have severe gastric pains when I drink. I thought it was cos I didn't have enough for dinner and all, so the alcohol started attacking my stomach.

To my horror, the pain got worse and worse each time I went drinking (which means my condition sorta deteriorated weekly since I drink once to thrice weekly). There was once I headed to bed feeling all tipsy, and I woke up with the worst gastric pain ever the next morning. It got SO bad, I couldn't move or walk, all I could do was to cry in pain. On top of that, I was hungover so I kept feeling like I needed to puke as well.

I had to BEG my eldest brother (there was nobody else in the house, sigh) to cook something for me cos I could feel the gastric messing up my body real bad. I couldn't cook for myself cos I couldn't even walk!!! But that ingrate !@#$%^&*() just left the house without even telling me. I cried while hobbling to the kitchen to cook a little something (I barely knew what I was doing, I was in so much pain -_-), ate like two mouthfuls before crying myself to sleep again.

(Anan, if you're reading this....... yes that was why I called you that time. I was too helpless at that point in time already. :X)

The pain was THAT bad. So I got a little fearful of alcohol and stopped completely for three weeks. No partying, just overnight mahjong sessions.

But I started again recently, on Friday and Saturday. I didn't get to drink a lot either. Because after a smaaaaaaall glass of Martell + green tea, I could feel the pain in my gastric BURNING. It didn't help that I had tons of rice for my dinner before that, so its pretty obvious that there's something wrong with my body already!

A talk to an older friend of mine proved helpful. He's been drinking for two decades or something, I reckon.... and he once had a hole in his stomach from too much alcohol, and warned me that I was showing signs of that too.

My point is.............

I've stopped. For good. Completely.

I went back to drinking last week cos of certain issues that I cannot bring up here. But as I was sitting right there, I was asking myself these very same questions.

"Why the hell am I in such an undesirable place?! I'd rather a decent bar anytime, even if I have to pay $xxxxx for a cup or two."

"Eeeew what is wrong with Martell + green tea?! The taste is SO revolting. Why the hell have I been drinking this over and over again for the past two years?!?!"

Somehow, I was enlightened...... and I think my friends would be very delighted to know that. Call me out for healthy activities on weekends, I'm free now!!!! No longer being tied down to alcohol.

Also, been spending quite a bit of time on this new "goal" of mine. Pretty excited about it!! I have about two helpers (and good friends) with me on this, everything's looking good. Can't wait to be more or less "settled down" after this short period, then I'll engage Gen's help!! (I hope you are reading this!!!! Don't turn me down when that time comes. XD)

xoxo,
VAL

2011-09-07T04:26:00.002+08:00

I love it when I've a goal to look forward to. And you know how it feels like, to look forward to a goal, with plenty of support from the friends around you? I feel incredibly excited already, and I feel like I have to succeed, not just for my sake, for theirs too. I don't wanna let anyone down.

I've several goals to look forward to, in fact. I've always been called ambitious by closer friends of mine, but I know they'll do whatever they can in their capability to give me their fullest support. I'm just about ready to strike one of my goals off, wait and see.

I'm so excited but I'm never gonna spill this to anyone. Lately, I've had a loooong talk with a mate, and a chord struck me. Why the hell am I placing so much emphasis on friends whom don't place me as a priority? And for that very same reason, I've re-classified my friends all over again.

Its true that I tend to trust people easily, but my friend gave me an example on why I should not. I should focus more on people who actually treat me as a priority, make more time for them instead.

But whatever. I'm so excited to see where this first striked off goal will bring me to!!!!! I will be striking my second goal off in about six months time too, so in about two years, I'll be GOLD. (I think two years is a pretty realistic goal right?? I wanted to say in a year, but I've got to be practical and kiasi.)

However, if these two plans fail, somehow... then I'll probably make my first bucket of gold in five years. Not two. I've back up plans (and plenty more goals too, for that matter)!!! Told ya I was kiasi. Hahaha.

I'm pretty excited to see where life is gonna take me ten years down the road already. One thing for sure, I'll never live off my family/husband/husband's family. I don't care if other girls do that, I am who I am.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-08-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

Errrrr so.... since I'm (finally) free tonight, I thought I'd login blogger for a moment and jeeeezzz!!!!! GUESS WHAT? I forgot my password.

I know right?! So incredibly smart of me. LOL. I had to do that forget password thang once again.

Got jolted to blog cos my friends have been complaining. I don't see many of them often due to our busy schedules and all, so they'd come reading my blog to catch little snippets of my life. And then they'd text me "BUT YOU DON'T UPDATE ANYMORE!!!!!" hahaha I'm sorry!!!

I've been so busy that I barely had time for myself, BUT NOW I DOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Yeah, sort of. Been keeping myself away from alcohol the past two weeks, seems to be pretty much working despite the many temptations each time my phone starts ringing.....

So I've been keeping myself busy through these nights. By playing mahjong!

Woke up late today, and kept myself busy with a new book from Sophie Kinsella which I've yet to even finish reading, along with a tub of B&J beside me. Kept my phone far, far away from me..... and only bothered retrieving my phone to take a look when I feel satisfied with the number of hours spent on me-time, like reading my book or watching the telly.

Sure enough, the minute I'm near my phone, I'M NEVER FREE. But I'm loving every minute of this new busy life I'm leading.

Then when I come online, I need my me-time online as well. I WILL PERSONALLY IGNORE EACH AND EVERY FRIEND WHO COMES BUGGING ME FOR PICTURES!! I'm sorry I've been holding onto them for so long, but I hardly get to touch the computer for a long period of time these days, so when I do, I'm BUSY online, okay?!

I just wanna check my mails, do some online shopping, read the latest gossip, blahblah. If you let me finish doing all the above in PEACE, I promise you will get your pics before you can even finish screaming my name. Which has three syllables, by the way. (I owe THOUSANDS of pics hahaha I'm so sorryyyyyyyyy they just keep stacking up!)

In an nutshell:

- its been a week since the start of my hols
- I PASSED MY BTT!!!!! (I was determined to pass it cos I wanted to thrash the 4 guys whom I was taking the test with. GIRL POWER!)
- met up with Bea on Thurs for lunch and a short catch up (the last time I met her was during my birthday?!!??!?!?!)
- met up with Cheryl and Sijia on Sat night for supper and a short catch up
- sometimes I get so busy I forget all the past events hahaha cos life just goes on

So..... apparently............ my mom talks to Bea. Quite a lot. About me.
And............ my bro talks to Cheryl. Quiet a lot. About me.

WHY?!?!?!?!?!??!!

But then again I'm not really bothered cos these are all people I know. I only hate it when people whom I'm merely acquainted with/don't even know personally talk behind my back.

I still miss Miss Lai... but yippee she's gonna be back in.. 8-10 weeks? I'm counting down! And her neighbour in her hostel happens to be my senior in secondary school.... so obviously I heard more stories about what the choir members used to talk about behind my back....

And for a short moment, I was angry. Really angry. Angry enough to flame each and every single one of them, because...

Hey, I have never spoken a WORD to you girls before in school. Yet you come talking about me with baseless and misleading facts. So after I flare up, IT BECOMES MY FAULT? Then this little circle comes repeating...

But you know what? I didn't. Because I know I'm clearly leading a better life. *shrugs* If they wanna act like bitches, let them be. I don't wanna stoop to their level.

I haven't even cleared things with Lynn up since that 2009 incident. She was rash enough to delete me off FB/MSN and whatever social networking platforms we had that time. I let her be, because at that VERY exact moment when she was trying to make peace with me on MSN, you know what she was doing?

..... yeah, bitching about me behind my back. Saying stuff like "She thinks she's some big shot, don't wanna reply. Bitch about me then purposely don't wanna reply me. Blahblahblah." or something along that line anyway. 2 years later, now you know why I refused to reply you?

You lost at your own game. You ASSUMED I was flaming you, so may I know what that is, if it isn't a guilty conscience that's prickling you?

Hello, you aren't the only counsellor who happens to have a choir as her CCA, okay? And just cos I merely mentioned this girl with such a background bitching about me, you assumed it was you. But I don't really care anymore.

And then my long-lost primary school friend comes adding me on FB. Weirdly enough, despite not being in contact for the last...... 6 years? She knows vaguely what course I am in. My course info isn't available on my FB, by the way. And I do have a slight idea of how she knows. Don't ever let me find out that you're (I don't mean my pri sch friend) talking behind my back ever again. One long saga is enough.

I know its inevitable that people will talk about you. My own friends always tell me not to care. BUT WHY SHOULD I TAKE SHIT FROM PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW?! Why do they only shut up/apologise after I've pointed out all their mistakes in a lengthy blog entry? As much as my friends enjoy reading these "bitchy" entries, IT SAPS A LOT OF MY ENERGY.

Wanna bitch, then do it within four closed walls and make sure nothing gets out. But then again, birds of the same feather flock together... Just like how they adore gossiping, so do their friends. If not how do you think I know all these, huh??? I've my own resources, duh!

Not to mention, I don't have the time for these anymore. Unless something really gets me mad.

I've toned down A LOT, my temper is not what it used to be anymore. So don't take it for granted. Don't get me all riled up before you cower and apologise when I truly flare up. What's the point, then?

I'll be back........ soon!! For now, a lengthyyyyyyyyyy entry for you.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-08-08T00:18:00.003+08:00

So tired I can hardly express how tired I really feel. But all in all, I did have a blast last night despite having severe gastric pain at certain intervals.

So let's see... I had a date with Jordy on Friday morning, just so he could teach me accounting. I stayed in on a Thursday night despite not having school on Friday just to study logistics till 3am, and ended up oversleeping. Thank goodness he was understanding enough and rescheduled our tutoring session.

Bummed around the whole of Friday till I had dinner with Anan and Derek. Made a last minute decision to catch Capt America.. and I'm glad we did! Had supper after the movie with D's mates as well so I reached home at.... 4am.

And again, I overslept for another study date on Saturday morning. *slaps self* I was supposed to complete all my accounting tutorials with Chester and Eugene!!!!! The damned tutorials are worth 10%. I could have jolly well chosen to copy all the answers but I insisted not to, cos it'd be pointless since I really want to understand how accounting works.

Bummed around on Saturday before leaving for Bryan's birthday celebration at Goodwood Park Hotel... I left after a couple of shots to Boat Quay with Enliang and his mates before I left again to go back to the hotel at 4am I think. Had fun drinking, playing, talking and crashing whenever the bed is empty.

I have yet another two older sisters I can turn to if I know I ever need help. These two girls are awesome, and Bryan is lucky to have one of them.

We checked out at 2pm and I only reached home at.... 4? Been trying to sleep the whole afternoon/evening but I just couldn't!!! In fact I got so sleep deprived that I started having a throbbing headache. I finally had a one hour nap but got disturbed by Kiki and here I am again....

I have to drag myself out of bed in 5.5 hrs time for school. Tomorrow is the start of THE hell week where I'll be so tired, its like I can barely breathe.

Only when Saturday is over can I breathe. Sunday, please come fast.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-08-01T23:23:00.002+08:00

So I've got a new student!!!!! Although that means more income, it means I'm gonna be busier than ever. But then again I'm only sacrificing a few hours a week to "work", so that isn't so bad I guess...

Just thinking about the two weeks ahead makes me shudder. I don't have much time left. I've been so busy that I've been getting headaches very often for some reason.

I CANNOT wait for the holidays to come. Gastric problems and headaches have been haunting me lately. Been having irregular meals cos I don't have time. Yes that's how bad it can get on certain days.

Been extremely broke lately.. so despite knowing that I have to give up some of my time yet again for this new student, its actually good news to me. No more financial woes!!! I've calculated how much I will be getting a month, especially when attachment starts next month.... let's just say its a substantial sum, with four figures, no less.

Looks like Imma be able to visit Miss Lai in Aussie next year! ^.^

I have plans to treat Gen to a huge meal too. In fact, I feel a meal isn't enough. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time but my funds are always limited cos I'm a reckless spender. But it seems like I'm gonna be good financially for quite some time now... finally.

She provided her ears for me when I needed them, her place for me when I needed it, her $ when I needed food/cab fare, her advice when she thought I needed it... and more. Sometimes I think one good meal isn't enough... but maybe ten suckling pigs would do the trick since she loves pork so much! Hahaha.

I'm incredibly tired everyday. There's so much to do. I just need to press on for two weeks more..... just two weeks!!

Ooh and my bro just enlisted into NS today. He's finally on his way to becoming a man. And god bless him, he knew quite a couple of people in his bunk on the first day of his enlistment. There's his school mates, primary school mates, blahblah. Is he lucky or what?!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-07-29T01:38:00.002+08:00

Was talking to mom about university today and I decided to...... scrape that plan. I don't intend to further my studies in the UK anymore.

I have five to six practical and realistic business ventures in mind, I refuse to let them go for the sake of getting a degree. After all, the money and time spent on getting that cert could be better spent on building my businesses up. That's where my real interest lies. I've never liked studying. Yes, I get mediocre grades without studying, but it doesn't mean I'm good at it. I just happen to retain more information with just a glance, instead of memorising information.

And if these business ventures work out, I'd be set for life at the age of 25. Then I'll give myself 3 years of rest before building them up big and proper.

I can never ever work under somebody for long. How are my parents gonna expect me to do that, till the day I retire? I abhor that very thought... yeah its good money (cos of the course I'm in) but still!!!!

Ever since I started running an online business at the age of 15 (I shut it down at 16 cos I was lazy *looks away*), I loved every single bit of it. It brought in good money, and I knew I was capable of doing much more when I'm older.

I'm older now. I'm 18, presumably old enough to make my own decisions. I don't want to enter university. I want to start running my own businesses. Mom agreed anyway, after hearing me talk about all the business plans I have in mind.

I have two more years to go, and I'm ABSOLUTELY excited. In fact that is a total understatement. I've already started doing up certain preprations... Miss Lai tells me I need to relax but my mind is always working hard.

And to the ones who have been waiting to watch me fall... God bless your soul.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-07-27T01:24:00.002+08:00

I know I've been neglecting this space like crazy. A handful of my friends have been asking me what happened, cos they'd always read my blog to know about my latest updates. Four of my closer friends whom I have not been in contact with for some time texted me yesterday simultaneously (nope they don't know each other) to ask about my life. I miss all of you!!!!!

I miss Miss Lai too.. she's enjoying herself in Down Under I reckon. We still get to talk online via various platforms so it isn't all that bad actually.

Anyway... I've been insanely busy. It has come to a point where I don't even get to turn on my laptop for a few days at a time. I've never been so busy before urghhhh its like everything is packed back to back. Add on a couple of spontaneous activities and poooooof I barely even have time for my beauty sleep.

This is basically why I have been missing.. sorta. Sometimes I wished there were more than 24 hours in a day cos I could really do with more.

Am so thankful to be placed in a new class such as mine for this semester, which would be coming to an end soon. I'm gonna miss the whole lot of them like crazy. They're lovely people, who genuinely want me to move on in my poly life. They would spend hours and hours of their time with me, trying to coach me on the modules I really hate.

And the awesome guys from my additional module as well... great people who never fail to have my weekly laughing exercise on Monday mornings. No more morning blues!

I still miss the people from my previous class though. I still catch up with the guys from time to time when we meet up for lunches or dinners. Although our farewell gathering for Miss Lai failed big time (no thanks to EC!!!), oh well..... we could always have a reunion at the end of the year when she's back for hols anyway.

Yeah I'm kinda closer to the guys in my school in case you're wondering why its always 'guys'. No idea why either. They enjoy talking to me too, taking me as a 'brother' hahaha.

In case you're wondering why I actually have the time to touch my laptop now, its actually cos I'm supposed to be studying for my re-test tomorrow and my notes are in the online portal. So, tata! Wish me luck.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-07-17T23:44:00.003+08:00

Miss Lai is leaving on Tuesday, not Wednesday. :( We had a feast fit for a king on Friday, pics soon!

(I keep thinking of asking her out on Wednesday cos it hasn't really sank in that she's leaving...)

Been keeping away from alcohol for two weeks now, a good start I suppose. Had the choice to hit Rebel, Powerhouse or Boat Quay yesterday night, where tons of drinks were waiting for us, but... I ended up at a karaoke lounge after dinner with EL, HQ and WF till almost 5 in the morning. Good choice, I reckon.

I've the intention of studying next weekend at the airport with my mates, but there's plans to hit Zouk up on Friday, and some random Thai disco on Saturday. So if you see me checking into the airport instead of those places on FB next week.... it means my choice has been made. Hahaha.

I've never liked clubbing, and I still don't. I do hit clubs up but you'll never see me on the dance floor. I go purely for the drinks, that's all. Not exactly my choice if my friend(s) want to open bottles in a club instead of a pub/Thai disco..

I've created a study timetable, hope I stick closely to it. While creating the timetable, I realise I've plenty of people whom I can turn to should I need any help in school work at all. Am I blessed or what? ^.^

Getting retained... hasn't been so bad after all. Yeah I'll get to graduate 6 months later, but other than that, I've gained a lot more out of these. Plenty of new friends made, and I'm pretty sure they'll be sticking around in time to come as well. Better grades, and lecturers who know me well enough now to help and guide me.. As well as classmates from the previous year whom I can always, always turn to though I'm no longer in the same class as them.

I'm extremely blessed, and a lot luckier than I think I actually am. I just don't realise it sometimes. Been disturbed lately over certain issues, but I happened to come across an article in a magazine, talking about breaking up with friendships.

I never realise that breaking up with friendships could be possible, but when I'm faced with such a situation now.. yes I realise its possible. Friendships change. Friendships that met your needs then may not meet your needs now.

If I could, I want to hold onto every friend I was once close to, or am still close to now. But that is never possible, and I should learn how to let go.

Be contented with my lot now, and that's good enough. I have friends from primary school, secondary school and poly.. friends from other sources... these friends, whom I'm still in touch with, and relying on, THANK YOU.

I can never express my thanks enough. I'm not a very expressive person, and not all my poly mates and friends from other sources know my blog link cos I don't like circulating it. But if you're reading this and you know I'm talking about you, thank you so much for all that you've done. ♥♥♥

I don't like to mention names cos there's too many to name, and I don't like saying things like "too many to name" cos annoying people reading your blog will say things to bring you down. But I don't really care now, cos I just wanna say I love all of you!!!

To D... Yes, I'll be willing to helm your business and shoulder your burden, cos you've been a great buddy. You won't have to pay me a single cent, but I'll make sure I'll bring your business right back on track. You need more than just a listening ear from me, you need help.. I wish you were willing to accept whatever help I'm willing to give.

You can always reach me whenever you want to. I can never tell you these right in your face cos you'll stop me after my first few words of "I'll help...". But I'll be here, help is always here.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-07-15T01:45:00.002+08:00

I'm so embarrassed to say this but I actually forgot.... the existence of this blog.

For two freaking weeks, yes. Hahaha omggggg this has never happened before in six to seven years!

I barely have any free time for myself now, but I kinda like it this way. ^.^ I've been going to school, attempting to study, giving tuition, keeping up with my social life....

I'm sick and tired of trying to re-connect with friends who don't matter anymore. Not cos they don't matter to me, its cos I no longer matter to them. No matter how many new friends I may have made, I will never neglect the old ones. But look who got left in the dust now.... me.

I'm done trying. The only thing left now is to leave. Thankfully its just a handful of friends... no point placing them in my priority anymore. I tried, I really did.

Miss Lai is gonna fly off to Aussie next Wednesday for her studies.. sigh. Gonna miss her badly. :( Skype me often and come back soon!!!!!!! You're just a plane ride away so Imma visit you next year... if shopping doesn't eat away at my pathetic attempt to save. :X

I've been pretty optimistic recently, cos no matter what, life goes on. Friendship is just like a relationship, you gotta give and take. A phone works both ways. No matter how many times you're dialling, as long as the other person on the line isn't picking up... its pointless.

Till the next time, darlings! I need my sleep now.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-07-01T12:59:00.002+08:00

Been doing what I like... not for myself, but for others.

For the amount of work I put in, if I had done it for myself, I could be running my very own business right now, earning up to 10X what I'm earning.

But I'm not.

I prefer to do it for others cos I can stop whenever I want. Free and easy, just the way I like it.

I know perfectly well that others are benefiting from my work, I don't know if I should mind it at all... Is it silly? Not as if I'm gonna get paid even more, whereas their own pockets are growing bigger and bigger each day for all the effort I've put in.

Tutoring a new kid lately, he's such a darling. His mom is a sweetheart too.

Busy, but happy (or so I lead myself to believing so). Sometimes I just wish I can have more than 24 hours a day so I could have time for myself.. I can no longer sit back and relax the way I used to.

Each time I really wanna stay in on a Friday/Saturday night just to catch up on my beauty sleep, my phone starts ringing and here we go again...... Granted, I can choose to ignore the calls but I can't really reject temptation when it comes knocking on my door, especially temptation such as this.

I foresee myself waking up with a hangover on Sunday because its J's big day on Saturday. I've not seen him in forever, I kinda miss him, and the whole lot of them as well. All the crazy jokes and crappy insults we'd be exchanging.

If any girlfriends are reading this.... do you girls wanna set up something together with me? For all the work that I'm doing right now and am capable of doing, it seems such a waste if I were to channel all my energy into building somebody else's business up when I can jolly well do it on my own.

I just enjoy doing this kinda things, the way I used to, but you know me. I'm lazy. That's why I enjoy doing things "free and easy" so I can stop immediately whenever I like. Any ideas, do let me know!

Three more months, Imma go on a getaway before ITP starts. Just three more months. I keep saying I need a getaway but it never works out cos I spend faster than money can enter my bank account. I'm a horrible spendthrift, especially on food.

In case you have not noticed, I'm not territorial over my cosmetics/clothes/shoes/accessories/whatever material stuff I own. My sister wants to take my Chanel lipgloss, go ahead. My mother wants my F21 top, go ahead.

My brother touches my food and I shriek the house down. Hahaha. Not literally but yeah you get the point!! It makes me especially happy whenever I'm near good food.

D has been driving me out for dinner/supper for a few weeks now... I HATE HIM. He actually stops me from eating. -_- Like first we'd hit East Coast Lagoon for some BBQ seafood, then we'd go over to Bedok 85 for ba chor mee........ and when I say I wanna go to Simpang Bedok/Geylang/wherever for food again he just ignores me and tells me to stop eating cos I'm fat enough.

It gets me extremely annoyed (not the fat part) cos my tummy isn't fully satisfied yet. And cos of that, I'd call D (another one) out for supper AGAIN and tada!!!!!!!! Now you know why I'm always fat.

There was once I just had a full dinner at 8, and then I started complaining of hunger at 12.30am. So I called the other D and off we went to Simpang Bedok for 4 dishes and 2 rice for supper. My cash is depleting hella fast. Thanks a lot, stomach.

Its gonna be a lot worse once I start driving. Hee.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-06-26T23:14:00.002+08:00

I did have another entry published after the one on Monday the 13th.. but I removed it subsequently, before publishing it again and removing it for good.

If you have read it, good for you.

I just didn't like feeling...... vulnerable. If that is the right word to use here.

Been pretty caught up in life these few days, got overwhelmed with news I didn't really wanna know. I could do without knowing, I reckoned. But oh well..... life screws you at the most unexpected moments, don't they?

My ex-boyfriend was right. He once told me to stop being naive, cos the world out there isn't as simple as I think it is. Just cos you treat someone right, doesn't mean they aren't gonna fuck you up.

But I still choose to be unguarded, I still choose to treat people right. Cos I think that's only right.

And yes I got fucked up. Again. By someone.. I call a friend.

I'm tired of being taken for granted time and again. How many times have I been backstabbed for no good reason at all? How many times have I been through these, with different "friends"?

These girls.... some of whom I have cleared the air with, some of whom I have not. Mainly cos they were too afraid of facing the mess they created single-handedly.

I've been facing crap from girls whom I call my friends.. for six years now.

Over this weekend, I got to hang out with my boys. I told them all about it, including the tales of every single girl and how they got around to backstabbing me eventually.

They told me one thing: These girls are just jealous of you.

Jealous of what? I don't get it, and I probably never will. Just cos these girls are unable to control their jealousy (over what, I really don't know), I have to bear all this crap?

Every time this scenario replays in the same script but different cast, I realise........ hey it isn't my fault at all. Why am I even feeling bad for them? It makes no sense.

I used to think it was my fault. I probably did something without realising, and that's why these girls had a chance to create havoc, one after another. But then I realised........ "LOL their own friends don't even like them, so why am I bothered?!"

Y'know.. karma is sweet.

I have friends I can rely on. Always. *big hug*

In any case, I went to snip my annoying fringe last weekend and...... I regret it so much, Imma fix it next week!

Before:

After:

Scissors hate rebonded fringe. :( Some of my friends laugh at my fringe, while the others keep telling me it looks the same. How can it look the same?!?!?!

Wish me luck for tomorrow's accounting paper, tata.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-06-13T02:02:00.002+08:00

So the kid I've been tutoring drove me mad in class today. And I asked him one simple question.

"So when you get an A1 for English in N Levels next time, you'll feel proud of yourself is it?"

He kept quiet.

"There is NOTHING to be proud of if you achieve an A1 for English in N Levels, trust me. I have many friends who have taken N Levels in different years, and they always tell me the same thing. The standard of English in N Levels is the equivalent of PSLE. So how proud can you be of your A1?"

Yes I scored an A* for English in PSLE, followed by an A1 during O Levels. These are nothing to be proud of, because I have a friend who is studying English for his degree. My so-called achievements are peanuts to him.

But I ADORE telling certain people right in their faces that I've scored an A1 for English in O Levels, because these certain people irk the hell out of me. If your English is not any better than mine, quit telling me that it is. I can spot a ton of spelling and grammatical errors in your so-called perfect English a mile away. (even my own writing isn't perfect, but do you get my point?!?!?!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to show my grades off. I'm just really puzzled by these "certain people"...

One of them scored an A2 for N Levels in English. Months later she goes around telling people that she scored an A1, and you can see that she's extremely proud of it.

HELLO? N LEVELS?????????

I can spot errors in your writing all the time, so..........??

Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against people who have scored a decent distinction in English for N Levels. But I've something against people who lie about their grades just to make them look good, and then go around showing it off.

My question is....... WHATEVER FOR?!

I don't get it. I really don't. Enlighten me?

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: Not trying to be bitchy, but it just gets on my nerves. There's plenty more things but I'll stop here.

2011-06-09T22:40:00.002+08:00

I know I've been missing from here a lot lately..... something that happens once in a blue moon. I'll get really insecure posting about my life in general (don't ask me why, I've no idea either) so that's when you'll see me like this.

I guess part of the insecurity stems from not knowing what I want, and whether or not I would fight for it. I'm talking about many different aspects in the same way. And since I don't know what I want either, I've been spending most of my time doing nothing but mulling.

I've been working temporarily for two days, tomorrow's the last. I kinda like my job because it gives me plenty of time to do absolutely nothing but sit there and think. Although the pay is a lot lower than what I would get from giving tuition, it is a lot easier to earn.

Every single tuition session with my kid equals to a blood boiling session. Not gonna elaborate but somehow I actually feel GLAD that I'm gonna be stopping tuition at the end of his June hols.

Was at work on Tuesday since 8am, and went to drink at Resort on Tuesday night with Kel since he's gonna enlist tomorrow! His very last night... or so I thought. Reached home on Wednesday morning at nearly 5am, had a short hour of sleep before dragging myself out of bed.

Brought Kiki over to Gen's place at 7am, had an extremely short nap while waiting for the others to reach before Cherr drove us to Sentosa with the rented van! It seemed like a husky gathering, with five huskies (two malamutes to be exact) and......... Kiki, the 6th dog and the odd one out among them hahaha.

Had tons of stares from the people at Sentosa, with plenty whipping their cameras out for Caesar. Returned to Gen's place to bathe Kiki before cleaning the van up. Finally reached home in the evening to shower.

I was so exhausted by then but I knew I couldn't sleep. Taking Kiki out requires a looooot of energy, from keeping two watchful eyes on her during the long trip there to make sure she does not puke (she's car-sick), to exerting all my strength in walking her. She may be a small sized dog, but she's really strong. I asked Genia to help hold onto her while I visited the toilet, and she was like "Woah Kiki is so strong!". She's the owner of a beautiful husky by the way!

Had to stay awake after showering cos I had to leave anytime for dinner, but as I was watching TV and chanting "Do NOT close your eyes, do NOT close your eyes"................... yep I fell asleep and was half an hour late. Not that it mattered anyway hahaha. Had steamboat and xiaolongbao buffet for dinner, it was so gooooooood!!!!

Popped over to Resort yet again for QJ's birthday, reached home at 5am once more. Was totally knackered but I had to endure the pain of the sunburns on my back before sleeping. My back looks as red as a cooked lobster. Its still feels so warm even until now!

If you have read this entire text, I applaud you. Hahaha. I'll be back with more substantial updates.... I THINK!!!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-06-04T21:56:00.001+08:00

Nonchalance.

The best advice to live life thus far. Trust me, it works.

2011-06-01T01:48:00.002+08:00

I know I've been pretty much unproductive here lately... but my mind has been in overdrive. Thought I could get away from Singapore for a short getaway during the hols, which is just exactly what I need, but noooooooooooooooo.

I have to tutor my kid twice a week instead of once now during his June hols, and apart from that, I have to study for my exams. Accounting.... *pulls hair* Logistics? I've only been to lessons like what, twice?! *shoots self*

Also, I have to work next week and still find the time to bring Kiki out on Wednesday for her swimming session, AND squeeze in time for the already-scheduled tuition slots.

Getaway? *snorts* Next life perhaps.

Was at Rebel last Friday night, before hopping over to Neverland, and finally MBK.

When I was in Rebel: Got stabbed (yes you read that right) on my right foot with a heel. Started bleeding slightly and a reddish-green bruise formed the next day. (the bruise is still here!!!)

When I was in Neverland: Realised my entire water bottle leaked!!!!!! ON MY DSLR. I think the water kinda affected the LCD screen cos it won't come on anymore. :(

When I was in MBK: A fight started brewing behind us.. then it got bigger and bigger..... and poof! Half of our drinks split. !@#$^&*() Can't you take the fight outside, damn it?!

Went to church on Saturday, then to the airport for supper, before going to Marina Barrage to chill. Was home super early, like 2am? My brother was quite surprised that I wasn't holed up in some Thai disco drinking myself to death.

Started reading through my accounting notes when I got home. Even though I didn't understand head or tail, at least I attempted reading them. Huge improvement, even if I say so myself. :P

Decided not to drink tonight either, so here I am. I'm trying to kick the habit. I realise I'd rather find myself studying at the airport every weekend. There comes a point where you start getting really sick and tired of alcohol. The taste of it, the atmosphere, the puking, the hangover........ blah.

Gotta be up early tomorrow, goodnight.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-05-26T00:56:00.003+08:00

There has been so many things going on, I don't even know where to begin.

For starters.... there has finally been a closure, an end to all the unspoken grief. No matter how much a girl has moved on, ten years down the road, she will still feel bitter over a certain relationship because of how the guy has mishandled it. I'm lucky, I don't have to feel bitter about it anymore.

Xq, if you're reading this, you can still play with Kiki anytime you want. I don't want to deprive my dog of spending time with someone she loves.

And Cherr, my promise to you will stay, I promise!

You know how its like when history starts repeating itself before your very eyes? I'm getting a second chance to handle this properly, but I can't. I don't even know how to minimise the damage which has already been caused.

If your motive is to make me guilty, you have succeeded. I don't know if any of whatever happened is my fault, but if it is, I'm sorry.

Believe me when I say I'm too overwhelmed with my own issues to blog. I don't even mention many of them to anyone at all, cos nobody will understand my fear, my worries, everything.....

I think its getting kinda obvious because my lecturer called up my friends who are away on attachment (I got retained, so I got left behind in school, remember?) to find out why I was missing from school. And he had a private talk with me the other day, he suggested engaging the school's psychologist for me because he told me I needed help.

I don't know how he knew (my friends don't know a thing).. but I rejected his offer. I told him I was fine, and I didn't need any. I just need to meet Miss Lai on Fridayyyyyy hahaha. (so random LOL)

What I write here, is what I only choose to let you know. Nothing more, nothing less. Remember that, cos many people forget this.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-05-19T01:16:00.003+08:00

So my new-found author-friend Mr Low (I can't bring myself to call him by his name, feels too odd!!!) told me recently that he has subconsciously used my name for his latest novel. I'm definitely gonna bug him for more details when I meet him next Monday for some *coughs* healthy exercise. His latest published book is gonna hit bookstores at the end of this month, I should totally grab a copy and have him autograph it for me hahaha.

I've been drinking for five days consecutively, and its time to take a break. All the alcohol is gonna kill me one day. Some of my friends have been asking me if there is an addiction somewhere I couldn't detect.... and I dunno. But then again there should be withdrawal symptoms if I don't get to drink, and I don't have them!

I'm not drinking to "drown my sorrows"... like err, hello?? Do I have any sorrows now?! I'm back on my feet since a long time ago, with great help from my girls (and guys). I'm good now.

I have a friend who is unable to get over a relationship (I feel like slapping him sometimes!!!!), and he asked me how I could get over my failed relationship in so short a time.

And to be very very honest, I can't. I know I can never get over it as fast as I did without CCGJ, especially Gen. She played the role of an elder sister. She saw how emotional I was, she knew how upset I was, but somehow her words managed to get my head. (I've rephrased this paragraph millions of times already and I think all of you are bored of it already lol)

Cheryl's mom dished out comforting advice on Twitter (yes that hot mama uses Twitter, damn cool right!) to me too. Along with my own friends who refused to let me fall, I got up a lot faster than expected. *touched* I can never express how much I'm so grateful for each and every one of you who entered my life and stayed (for good, I hope!).

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." -- When I look at my friend behaving like this........ all I wanna do is to crack his skull sometimes. Maybe that was how CCGJ felt when they saw me the same way too, I wouldn't know!! *sheepish look*

I've half-given on him, to be honest. Because at the end of the day, nobody can help him, only he himself can choose to stop this once and for all. I mean, c'mon, how hard is it to push that particular person out of your mind each time he/she enters your thoughts?! ITS NOT HARD.

Yes you can tell me "I can't help it" along with a million other excuses for yourself, but I've been there. Don't tell me bullshit like "You don't understand" cos honestly, I DON'T. I don't understand why you're still treating yourself in this manner after she was the one who did you wrong. For what?!?!?!?!

Kicking somebody out from your thoughts permanently is not difficult AT ALL, its only whether or not you are willing to. I won't deny that there are still times my thoughts tend to revolve around my ex-boyfriend for that tiny millisecond, but I push him out immediately. There are better things to occupy my mind with, I won't even allow myself to think about/of him for a second. A millisecond is bad enough, I won't go beyond that.

Quit making excuses for yourself. Why make yourself suffer further? You're right; I don't get it. So what if you have been together with her for a month, a year, two years, or even ten? At the end of the relationship, ITS ALL THE SAME.

Its never about the duration of the relationship. Remember that. Nobody can help you if you don't wanna help yourself first.

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: I have plenty of pics, wait for them! I know I have been rather lazy (again, what's new?!) hahaha.

P.P.S: CCGJ = Cherr, Cheryl, Gen and Joan if its not obvious enough to you. If you're thinking of something perverted (like my friend did), spare me the details!

2011-05-15T23:10:00.003+08:00

Had lessons in Poly Marina on Thursday morning located right smack in the middle of West Coast Park at 8am. -_- Getting there is a chore, getting outta there is an even bigger chore. But yay I had my classmate to drive me and another classmate out to Parkway for lunch! He even treated us to Pu Tien for lunch before sending both of us back home. ^.^

Was supposed to study overnight (yes you heard that right!), but something cropped up and I ended up meeting the Old Friend for supper before we left for home since we couldn't decide where to chill at.

Stayed home the entire day on Friday, and even attempted stopping myself from going out that night by switching off my phone. But *coughs* there's always MSN.... and I left for Titanium slightly after 1am. I didn't wanna drink at all cos I would be in Malaysia for the whole of Saturday but oh wellllllllllll the plan failed.

Since I drank on an empty stomach (I seriously didn't expect myself to end up drinking) I had a horrible hangover on Saturday. Reached home at 5am and slept for like 15 mins before I had to leave for Malaysia again. -_- Spent the first half of the day gagging/puking/being sick.

Never ever again will I drink on an empty stomach. Lesson learnt. Thank goodness I had a 'nanny' who was taking care of me during the trip, right Anan?!

Came back to Singapore at 10+ at night. Decided not to go to MBK since S was celebrating his birthday at D8. He opened like 10 bottles?! And I didn't touch a drop of alcohol at all hahaha. I was sitting there the entire night stuffing my face with the finger food they kept ordering. The guys were pretty surprised.

HY came down only for the sake of showing his face since he hates drinking, and we spent the entire night laughing at live entertainment opposite us which included a Thai girl and S' friend. Got to catch up with V too, its been a long time!

Woke up slightly earlier than usual today despite it being a Sunday cos its tea party time!!!!! Thank goodness I had the decency to wear a dress cos ALL the girls were in dresses. Cheryl and her hot mama were good hosts, all of us had a great time. Cherr and Sihui missed out!

Aunty kept telling me that I 'zao geng'....... yay for FBTs! I'm not dainty or lady-like to start with haha.

Got a chance to try a Chinese wine with 52% pure alcohol content in it (I wasn't allowed to add any mixer cos it will destroy the taste :S)....... I gave up after 4 sips. And 4 hours later, I'm still feeling warm. *salutes Serene for finishing her shot*

Can't wait to collate all the pics and blog about it! Gen's belated birthday surprise too. I have one of her most unglam pics ever (according to Wilson), lucky her the pic is in my cam and not Wilson's!

And just when I thought I'd have an early night, there's a drinking session at Resort tonight. Doubt I'd be going though (as much as I want to!!!), there's school at 8am tomorrow and the first thing we're gonna be doing is speed dating LOL. Don't ask.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-05-13T01:04:00.000+08:00

I'll probably edit a ton of pics and throw them up here one day.

I have half a mind on closing this page down for good. But then again I'm always fickle. I dunno, we'll see!

I need another 500GB hard disk.... ahhh my DSLR pictures are hugeeeeeeee.

2011-05-10T01:02:00.003+08:00

I hate the weather, it cranks me up so badly. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling a little under the weather, am I?

Had my worse gastric pain ever after drinking on Saturday... it has never everrrrr happened to me before. My body is probably telling me its time to take a break haha.

Went all alcohol-free on Friday night cos I was meeting old friend for a catch up session. We had the whole night ahead of us, and he suggested drinking coffee.... at 1am. We settled down at Starbucks eventually. It was amazing, not touching alcohol that night. (okay I did knock back a few cups of beer before meeting him but that's beside the point)

The weather is so hot I can't really be bothered to type more. I'll be back!!!

2011-05-04T22:29:00.002+08:00

Hahaha I didn't expect my previous blog entry to motivate people too. Apparently one of my friends was telling me that my motivation has been infectious, and that's a good thing, right?

Yeowyeow (and a few others) were actually inspired by my quote "One life. Live it." and there's nothing better than knowing that you yourself has been nothing short of inspiring. Pretty awesome stuff I'd say.

Weeks back, he tweeted this to me: I've been a silent reader of your blog for YEARS my dear girl, don't worry too much, you'll get over it. You always do :D

Weeks later, I'm back on my feet, stronger than ever. And just for laughs, he told me "Remind me to never quarrel with you. Just mention the name Genevieve and I'll wave the white flag." LOL.

I love Gen, she's one in a million. Need I say more??

I've been counting my blessings lately. I've been motivated to work hard for my future. I'm not going to work in an office from 8-5 for the next 50 years of my life, I'm going to do something even bigger.

"Anyone who REALLY gets under your skin is your GREATEST teacher. Send them gratitude!" --> Need I say more? I've learnt a lot.

I've been talking to Yeowyeow on MSN, doing a short catch-up. He really made me LOL in front of my laptop.

He mentioned "thank god I got on your peace-loving side val" and I responded with a "am I really that bad when I'm nasty?" cos he's not the only one to say I'm scary when I'm angry. Tons of secondary school mates are always telling me that, really??

His reply was HILARIOUS. "You're scary! If I ever become some editor, you're number 1 on my top-10-people-to-interview-and-publish-a-biography list. It'll be a gossip filled Chicken Soup for the Bitchy soul."

I proceeded to tell him that I pale in comparison to Gen, and he agrees with me. "I agree on that point. Dog breeds and personalities tell a lot about their owners. Look at me and my shitzu, so docile and blur. You and kiki are fierce, gen and caesar are just vicious."

Hahaha he made my night!!! I miss you, meet up soon with Auw and gang!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-05-04T17:13:00.002+08:00

Life is really good to me.

Seafood feast on the 14th, tea party on the 15th at Cheryl's (CAN'T WAIT!!!), yacht ride on the 18th.. and yes, my friend has a license to operate her own yacht. Totally awesome!

Cheryl has mentioned that we're allowed to bring a friend to her place for the tea party.. any girlfriend up for it?

I'm making full use of the hols in June....... to go overseas. Its still in planning though. We're either flying to Maldives, Hong Kong, or we could be taking the yacht all the way to Bali. Sounds good? Yes!!!

But then again its only in the planning stage. And since I'm studying maritime, it'd be pretty easy for me to ask my lecturers with anything concerning yachts. Since all my friend has is a license and she knows nuts about anything else.

One life. Live it.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-05-04T00:31:00.003+08:00

I really..... don't wanna think anymore.

But I've been trying to make myself love studying, cos I sort of came up with a plan for my future ahead, and I'm absolutely excited about it! I can't wait to fast forward my life by ten years just to see how my career is gonna pan out.

I have a huge plan ahead of me which is gonna require tons of money, time and effort, but I'm very sure everything will be worth it in the end. I have not told my parents about it, cos I find it a lil too ambitious for my age, but I know they'll support me no matter what. After all, do you know of another 15-year-old who can earn $2K a month by doing almost nothing? Yeah I was quite proud of myself then. :D

Sad to say, I turned really lazy and that explains the me now. Don't get me wrong, I didn't get complacent, but laziness got the better of me. "Lazy to even earn $2K a month for that tiny bit of work?" YES THAT LAZY.

That is only a tiny achievement in my life. For the next 10-15 years, I'll be achieving even greater things in life. I'm not overly ambitious, I'm actually quite practical..... I think? Lol.

I'm not allowing that one downfall to hamper my goals. Respect me, stop all the questions because they won't be answered. That chapter of my life has been closed and I'm moving on fine. I've found new goals in life and I'll make myself a somebody in future.

Don't ask me what my new goals are..... you'll know it yourself in time to come. I'm pretty hyped up for them, I hope laziness won't do me in again!!

To be honest I don't understand how people can bear grudges for so long, not to mention YEARS. I was all mad yesterday, telling myself I'll probably bear a grudge against him for the rest of my life.... but today, poof! I'm not even angry now as I'm typing this, I just view this as a lesson learnt.

According to astronomy, people sharing the same horoscope as me.. we have the tendency not to bear grudges. I think that's pretty true for me anyway.

And if you happen to read this, you should have already known that my girls are no pushovers. You know why Gen blew up, didn't you? Attacking somebody's weakest point... I truly think you deserve all this flak you got.

I kept quiet for a month because to me, it was like "oh well he WAS a good boyfriend anyway, just let it go" but then??? If you had not launched that personal attack, nobody would have attacked you. Nobody.

Whatever it is, I rest my case. Its closed.

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: Imitation is the highest form of flattery. You KNOW you're copying me, and thank you very much for that. ;) You probably don't know I'm talking about you even. You've been pretty oblivious, haven't you.

2011-05-02T22:32:00.004+08:00

I know things have taken a turn today. For those who are in the know.. good for you. For those who are not, don't bother asking me to explain. I've been mentally drained enough as it is.

My friends did what they did for my sake, they know and you know I'd be too soft-hearted. Because to be honest, I felt bad enough to deactivate my FB once and for all. But what pushed me on?

Your unfaithfulness, your dirty lies. I've seen enough of it last year when you were with the other ex-girlfriend, and now it has befallen me too. Your promises are bullshit, because who promised me that I would not become like her? Who promised me he had changed for the better? Who promised me the future?

And I can see that new girl walking down the EXACT same path as me.

Yes, I knew you cheated on your other ex-girlfriend. Everyone knew. But I was silly enough to think you'd changed.

My friends also know that I will not do anything about it, because by nature, I am a "live and let live" person. So WHY did my friends do what they did? You know it best.

Your other ex-girlfriends did not have friends like mine, but I'm really fortunate to have strong characters like Cherr, Cheryl, Gen and Joan. For the past month, despite knowing that it is YOUR fault for the split, I would ask myself if there was anything I did wrong.

I had many chances to speak up in the past one month before your true colours were revealed. Did I? And may I know what you did, huh? If you wanna get personal, FINE. Keep it between us. Don't be childish and drag your friends in.

"Eh I don't friend her, you all also don't friend her hor!" How old are you? That's so kindergarten. Manipulating their minds into thinking you're the victim (as always la hor)... How many times has this sorta thing happened? 3rd? 4th? All your ex-girlfriends did not speak up, but it doesn't mean that I won't.

But a month later... the truth hit me. You do not deserve any form of compassion from me. Not at all. If its not good enough to cheat on me once, you cheated on me..... TWICE? Or maybe even more. And yes you cheated on your other ex-girlfriend THRICE.

You still expect people to think of you as the victim? You still expect compassion or sympathy? You must be kidding. Quit manipulating people's minds, I've seen enough of that when I was with you. Even when we're having our fights, you can even manipulate me into apologising when it was YOUR fault we were fighting.

I did not want anything more to do with you, but what did you go around telling people, enough to make me mad and post this entry up? Blame yourself, nobody else.

Granted, I've been caught in the middle today. I didn't like it, not one bit. But at least everything is over. I won't have anything more to do with you anymore.

I will try my best not to bear a grudge against you after this entry has been published, because I do not want to die early from vengeance. I will live LONG enough to ensure that I see karma biting your ass.

Today's incident is MILES apart from that Angela Hoi's saga. I can only see one similarity though: You and her belong to the same level.

I've been quiet for a month. Who was the one who caused the blow up today, WHO? Its not my friends, that's for sure. Yes they may be harsh, but I'm sorry to say, you deserved it.

I don't have to plant "spies" among your friends, cos no matter what, your dirty deeds will get known some day. So quit pointing fingers here and there. In fact I'd rather not have known about your unfaithfulness at all. I'd rather live with a lie, thinking that you were true to me during the entire course of our relationship.

Bad news travel fast, that's all I have to say. You yourself know this line best too, don't you?

When I was at Resort on Friday night, TJX's friend's friend (or friend's friend's friend, I dunno la) whom we all met for the first time was drinking with us. He asked me how I got to know V, I said through my ex-boyfriend. So very obviously, he asked me the name of my ex-boyfriend. You know what his reaction was?

"I've heard of him since last year! He cheated on his then-girlfriend. How about you, same story?"

Imagine my surprise when I heard that. I asked him where he heard it from, he said he heard it from his own group of friends and that you have already been popular in that area since last year. *roll eyes* See, bad news travel fast and far.

I really want to stop this once and for all. N has given me his promise that you will.

I'm going to church to relieve myself of this bad memory... soon enough, anyway.

2011-05-02T02:14:00.004+08:00

I don't know how I'm supposed to express myself here anymore.

Give me more time.

But it was good to bump into Wenfen at Resort yesterday night, been eons since I've last seen her. Her words made me laugh. Cheap man, you'll never get your way. *laughs*

x

2011-05-01T12:37:00.002+08:00

I've been trying to keep my temper in check all night, but it isn't working.

Do you know how cheated I feel? No you don't. But I should have known, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

"Birds of a feather always flock together."

Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Girls, remember that.

I have a hell lot more to rant before my anger can even subside, but I won't. I'll probably channel all my anger into doing something a lot more constructive.

I'd better hope and pray that my anger subsides by 4pm. My tutee does not deserve this fiery side of me, he does not.

You have NO IDEA how intensely angry I am right now. If I had a gun in my hand, your head would be the first to go.

2011-04-28T17:14:00.002+08:00

There will come a point where sense eventually gets inside your head.

I don't know why my fever keeps coming and going, its been about a week. Give me time, I'll be back in full force!

I promise I'll stop shutting people out from my life. I have plenty of tutorials to catch up on, plenty of old friends to meet.

And I know my friends would be glad to see this change. Especially Cherr, Cheryl and Gen. Love y'all!!

xx

2011-04-27T23:50:00.001+08:00

My fever is back in full force again. God knows what on earth is going on inside my body!

2011-04-27T02:27:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 4 in the afternoon today, still feeling extremely dizzy. My limbs STILL feel like they're heavy, and it takes a lot out of me to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen or anywhere else in the house.

My mom wanted me to take my medicine again the minute I was up, but I had to BEG her not to give me anymore medicine for the time being. Cos it just means that I'd fall asleep again and skip all my meals. Doctor gave me not one, but TWO different drowsy pills, to be taken together. So potent, it makes me feel like Sleeping Beauty.

I took my medicine two hours ago for the first time today. And I'm still resisting the urge to sleep.. so I'm feeling light-headed and dizzy all at the same time.

I've never been so sick before. I don't even have the energy to talk or raise my voice. I've skipped 3 days of school already, and its only the second week of school. Sigh. Hope my distinctions don't fly away.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

I didn't know how sick I was till I was in school at 8am today. Had my 3 hour lunch break so I went off to look for CY and Ivan for lunch.

Started sneezing and coughing simultaneously so many times, I started going dizzy and delirious. Decided to skip the next lesson, which means I'd take like a minimum of 1.5 hrs to reach home cos I've gotta take a bus back to school again before taking the looooooong train ride.

Then a miracle happened. Ivan sponsored my cab fare home! I insisted on taking public transport and this guy insisted that I take a cab in case I faint before I reach home. He reminds me a lil of best friend, these two guys are extremely generous towards close friends, no matter what gender.

Went straight to my family doctor and voila! Two days of MC. Half of the medication the doc gave me will make me drowsy.....

I still can't walk from my living room to my bedroom at my normal pace, I still have to hold onto something cos I feel incredibly dizzy. My limbs feel like they don't belong to me and my eyes feel burning hot.

I don't even have a fever! Never knew cough and flu could bring you down just like that. Looks like I'm missing Capt CH's lecture again tomorrow... I bet he's like looking forward to seeing me in class.

The medicine is gonna knock me out in like.. fifteen minutes flat? If I try resisting, I end up feeling really high. I feel like I'm floating already, and this feels 10X worse than my worst hangover.

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: I'm still resisting and its been about half an hour! I'll probably fall asleep in two seconds the minute I'm on my bed.

2011-04-24T23:20:00.001+08:00

Down with a severe cough (my throat feels like its on fire each time I cough, which is like every 2 seconds?) and bad flu which keeps my nose running.

I foresee that I will wake up with a fever again tomorrow morning. Or Tuesday, latest.

I don't know which is worse now, my nose or my throat.

2011-04-22T15:21:00.002+08:00

Holiday plans: Bangkok at the end of the year (Gen mentioned something about BKK.. if not I'll just push the funds forward to next year) and Australia next July!

I'll be going without my parents so they won't be all expenses-paid trips, unfortunately. I have to work doubly hard and save up every cent, because BKK isn't that expensive, but Aussie is!!! *reluctantly closes all my F21 tabs*

I've done the Maths, and going to Aussie is gonna be a bomb. I'll be bunking in with Miss Lai at Perth over at her apartment since she'll be furthering her studies there, but I'll also be flying from Perth to Melbourne to visit a friend, before returning to Perth at night, so I'm burning about $200+ in plane tickets just for a day's trip to Melb.

And I'll be flying from Perth to Brisbane to visit another friend, before returning to Perth at night again. Yet another $200+ burnt.

This is gonna be one hella expensive trip I won't regret. I'd pull Miss Lai along to visit my friends if I could, but I can already hear her protesting "NOOOO VEOWWWWW!" hahaha. There won't be any night life in Perth (right??), but I'm not going there to party.

I love rural areas actually.. when I'm older (and richer), I wanna go to New Zealand for a farm-stay. It'd be so cool!!

I have approximately slightly over a year to save for Aussie. If the spendthrift me in me surfaces to spoil my saving plans....... ah well, there's always cheaper holiday destinations like BKK!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-20T00:06:00.002+08:00

My mood has been bad the entire day because I woke up with a burning fever and a silly dream.... which I still remember. Sigh.

So I finally have a legit reason for skipping school, but I didn't get any MC. Hahaha. Capt CH is gonna be disappointed that I'm not in school today. So much for saying that I'm not gonna skip lessons anymore.

Sick and tired of copycats everywhere. Listen up, and listen hard: You'll never be me. You'll never inherit my wits, nor the way I think.

Die an original, not a copy.

That aside, I'm having lunch with an old primary school friend tomorrow! If my fever does not go away then I'll have to cancel it last minute.. aaahhhh~

Anyway my dad told me to keep a look out if my fever does not subside. NEA came to my place the other day to check for mozzie breeding cos there has been several cases of dengue fever in my block or something.

I know dengue fever involves a hospital stay, along with needles pricking your skin every single day. Umm I doubt I'm that unlucky right!! Mine is just an ordinary fever, nothing to worry about. *nods*

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-19T00:00:00.004+08:00

I am so exhausted I feel like I'm floating. I've been out for 16 or 17 hours, and all the travelling has tired me out greatly.

Had GEMs at 8-10am today, and against Gen's advice, I signed up for the "Love, Romance & Sexuality" module!!! Our facilitator is a European lady working as a psychologist, and I can predict this module is gonna be full of laughter.

Since I had nothing on from 10-1, I took a bus to where CY and Ivan were working at (and very coincidentally, my sister works in the same building too) to have lunch together. I was supposed to alight after 10 stops, but being the (super hopeless) direction idiot that I am, I alighted after 15 stops to find myself at Vivo. LOL.

I called my dad to whine, hoping against all hopes that he'd leave his office early and pick me up so we could go for good food at Vivo before he sends me back to school (his office is nearby anyway).

IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. *pouts*

So I grudgingly took yet another bus back to the correct building this time. Ivan treated me to lunch. *beams* Then I took a cab back to school because Ang's lesson was at 1 and I didn't wanna be late.

AND THEN HE WAS LATE. I could have saved money by taking the bus!!!!!!!!! Okay so I got to see my new classmates this time. All of them are pretty nerdy, save this slutty-looking girl (I'm not being mean, just look at what she wears?!) with typical ah lian looking hair and badly-drawn eyeliner.

She was glaring/staring/eyeballing me the entire time. And I'm positive she's younger than me. Almost wanted to strangle her, which, by the way, I did. In my head. Hahaha.

Surprise-surprise, Hamdan is in my class cos he retook yet another semester. I'M NOT ALONE!!! Ended lecture at 3 before rushing down for a.. job? I dunno, can't really see this as a job.

I'm paid peanuts for proof-reading an author's soon-to-be-published book, but I gained invaluable experience so I'm not complaining. To be honest I didn't expect him to be the down-to-earth sort, and he has totally gained all my respect after tonight!

Its not everyday I get to do a debate over grammatical errors with a living, breathing author. Plus part of the storyline is quite dear to me. One of the characters has been diagnosed with blood cancer, and as I read through the familiar dialogue of close ones urging him to do a bone marrow transplant......... yup! That's my sister for you.

I know I've always dropped hints here and there that my sister is down with some kinda disorder, but never have I revealed much. I didn't really see the need to. My friends would have already known about this anyway, but for the ones who don't, spare me the sympathy. My sister is a lot stronger than I am.

Had dinner with that author and another lady who came down to proof-read. Three of us were in the office all day, and it was crazy. Both of them spent quite some time discussing the English language, exchanging pointers....... I was quiet most of the time because I was tired. I woke up at 5.30am for school. I'm not gonna skip classes anymore!

The author I've been talking about is Low Kay Hwa. Click HERE to check his novels out. Good and engaging story lines with lots of Singaporean flavour added! (I actually cried after reading a couple of his novels, I didn't tell him this hahaha)

Goodnight. I can feel that I'm gonna come down with a fever already. :S

And by the way!!!!!! This is creepy. But I met more than 10 new people today and guess what? I had this deja vu feeling. I was asking them "Why do you look so familiar?" cos they really do!!! It was as if I knew them before.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-17T03:51:00.002+08:00

This week has been c-r-a-z-y. My friend opened a bottle for me at some random pub in Boat Quay on Tuesday night, so basically I was the one chugging down like half or three quarts of the Martell down by myself cos she doesn't really drink.

Beer at Resort right after. Yes I was still incredibly sober after that, but I knocked out the SECOND I was in bed.

Got cheated to Powerhouse by the same friend on Wednesday. Let's just say that I've never stepped into a club before, and this was a horrible experience to start with. Bumped into a friend there and he was like "You club?!?!?!?!" with a shocked expression. Erm no I don't?!

My friend's membership card entitles us to several bottles of redeemed liquor, so why not? I barely drank that night though, had to take care of a girlfriend who got herself wasted. It was so, so packed.... you had to brush past TONS of people to make your way to the toilet.

In my head, all I could think of was "Eeew ewww eeew!!!!!!!!! Imma shower when I get home." cos I have OCD like that. If anyone whom I'm not particularly close to yet touches my arm/wrist/blah, I'll politely withdraw away with a smile, but in my head I'll prolly be cursing and swearing.

Thursday night? "Nonono I'm staying home, but thanks anyway!"

And right after I announced that it was gonna be my first and last time in a club on Wednesday night, I made my way down to Rebel on Friday night. What irony!

But really, it wasn't my fault that there was a chauffeur available (yes a real chauffeur for the rich kids) the entire night so again, why not?!?! And three bottles? Hell yeah!

I drank a loooooooot that night, cos there were less than ten people drinking. Amazingly enough I was still pretty much sober at the end of the night because it soon dawned on me that................ I had to take care of two friends who got themselves dead drunk.

Our original plan was to head to Resort for another bottle but err apparently it didn't work out due to the drunk ones. Chauffeur sent us home right after Rebel.

Saturday night? "Zouk tonight???" ---- NO THANK YOU. I'm the sort who'd rather sit down at City Space with a couple of good ol' friends, chilling.

And yes City Space is crazily expensive, but its located on the 70th floor of Swissotel with live jazz, so I guess the price is all worth it? I've been there once and I loved it!

Anyway tonight was spent having supper with Cheryl, Gen, JH and SH at Geylang. Happy tummy. ^.^ Spent time chilling at Gen's place right after with the exception of JH, before SH sent me home.

With regards to my previous entry about keeping the booze aside, I was serious about it. Then J reminded me about K's birthday celebration next week...... so err I guess keeping away from alcohol will have to wait. ^.^

I know how to keep myself safe, don't you worry!!! I have friends who are worrywarts and they actually discourage me from drinking in "those kinda places", but I'm gonna break that cycle pretty soon. Studies and tuition (hopefully!!!!!) are gonna take up much of my time anyway. Straight As, come to momma!

I'm gonna brace myself up for two blood tests and a vaccination soon, right after next week. I ALWAYS freak out at the sight of needles, and I have never failed not to cry at blood tests. Doctors should knock me out with laughing gas before they take my blood, I'm sure that'd pretty much work like a charm!!!!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-16T19:25:00.002+08:00

There is always a breaking point in your life (and it will happen more than once) when you stop dwelling over certain issues, and learn to let go.

Letting go doesn't mean giving up, it just means you've accepted that certain things are not meant to be.

I believe in my own capabilities, even people who don't know me all that well would always tell me I'm destined to walk down a great career path, or the path of a successful somebody. It took so long to hit me, to enlighten me.

Hell, I may be young, but I've been far more capable than people my age have been. And I'm proud of my own achievements.

How many 7-year-olds can you find, who can complete reading Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire back to back in 4 hours flat? I won't list out my other achievements, because I realise people are already wowed over by this alone.

Yes I'm capable, but I won't get anything done if I continue being laid back. Nobody can motivate me, but me myself.

I'm not going to give up on myself. It'd be a waste of my capabilities. Its time to get some real work done, and to keep all the booze aside.

I regret getting retained for one semester. Its not because I couldn't handle the academic work. I definitely can. But I was so lackadaisical, I would skip school for three days in a week, and there was once I skipped an entire week.

When it came to exams with nothing in my head, I didn't even bother glancing at the notes. I simply took the exam, knowing I would fail. Goodness knows why the hell I ever did that. Some lecturers thought of me as a nightmare, but majority of them never failed to push me on, telling me that I'm smart, why the hell am I doing this.

They were right. And I'm glad I'm retaking CH's module again. Despite my atrocious attendance and results, he's one of those lecturers who really care.

I'm gonna prove myself by scoring straight As next semester. I know I can do it. I've never been daunted by academics, it was only a matter of whether or not I could be bothered to.

I'm not going to let myself down anymore. I was blessed with a quick mind, I should not waste it.

I've been pondering a lot, but Cherr, Cheryl and Gen's words brought me back to reality. Especially Gen. She may not know it, but everytime I'm hesitating, her words would always remind me over and over again to do well for myself.

After all, the best revenge is to live even better. It may hurt a lot, but time is the best healer.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-15T21:07:00.003+08:00

Enough of emo entries, here's one pic for you!

With gorgeous Rebecca Tan! Taken during Puma Launch Party @ MBS. One of the rare times I actually bother dolling up because I HAD to. Hahaha.

Other pics will be up soon. (wheeeee dropbox is back, can three of you sync with mine?? ^.^)

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

I'm a confusing mess, and there has been an ongoing battle right in the heart of my mind. Forgive me if what I write doesn't really make sense, cos I've come to the suspicion that I don't really make sense recently.

There are times I would be tempted to take a bottle of alcohol and swig it right down, but I know the temporary happiness which comes after would only be but temporary. I've attempted jogging/sprinting concurrently at the same time under the hot sun in the afternoon, just to vent whatever negative emotions I have inside of me. Nothing has worked.

I feel trapped within myself, I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. Its not just over a failed relationship, its just about every other thing in my life. Yes I'm able to handle everything, I'm not falling anytime soon. But at times like these when I feel alone and vulnerable.. I start questioning everything.

My friends can only do so much to help me. I'm on my own now.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-12T00:48:00.002+08:00

I've cut the rope free, I've been liberated.

This decision has been belated by a month. I was silly enough to hang on so tight till my palms were bleeding. Big damage (to myself) has been done, but they will heal.

I do have one teeny regret from this relationship though.. but I'm sure guilt will stop overwhelming me, eventually.

In case you're thinking "Wtf you cheated on him???" or some other ridiculous thoughts in mind, I'm not gonna say a word. He knows, I know, my close friends know. That's good enough. You don't have to know.

I know your curiosity has just been aroused... but too bad for you!!

My friends have cushioned my fall GREATLY, and they were all very supportive of my decision, especially Gen. Without her, I'd still be hanging on stupidly. Big hearts to all of you!!!!!

I'm fine, I really am. I'm strong, a lot stronger than where I first started.

God loves me. He gave me a second shot at life, and removed an obstacle which would put my future at risk. There is a price to pay for starting anew... but I'll deal with it.

"You're not alone. You're never alone." -- My friend was right, very right.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-11T01:45:00.003+08:00

"What manifests in an individual’s dream represent unconscious wishes that the person wants to fulfill." -- I keep dreaming of having amnesia.

I'm not one to dream at all. I hardly ever do, and nightmares are even harder to come by.

Yet I've been dreaming of having amnesia so often.. that I realise I actually want it so badly. I want to forget my identity. I want to start life anew on a fresh page. Forget about everything that has been hurting me for so long.

My problems may seem like they don't exist at all, if you compare them to other bigger problems which others face. I do feed myself lies every night, telling myself that I should be happy the way I am. But they never really do work.

I would pen down every single worry of mine if I could, right here on this page. But there are many things I would keep to myself, thank you very much. I have seen how vicious other people can be during my secondary school years, especially those girls from choir.

In my dreams....... I dream of absurd things. And no matter what the scenario, it always leads to one thing. Amnesia. I was so happy with it, living a second life as a renewed person. I forgot all the mistakes I once made, all the wrong decisions I once made, all the wrong people I've once known.

Everything was forgotten, they turned into "once upon a time". How nice if it could really happen. Oh well. Dreams will be dreams; a short, temporary distraction from reality.

But my dreams beckon tonight. Goodnight.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-10T02:20:00.002+08:00

This is crazily accurate.

I've memorised almost every inch of his face, his scent, his pet peeves, everything. I don't memorise them intentionally like some insane obsessed girl, I just do. Somehow. They stay in my head. That's how its supposed to work, isn't it?

Despite what I'm going through now.. I'm still able to console a friend who just got ditched. She keeps telling me she's fine, she's been expecting it all along. But c'monnnnn who are you trying to kid?!

I've been trying to drill this line "Don't drown your sorrows alcohol, ITS NOT WORTH IT." into her but its not working. I used to turn to alcohol as a form of release, but I soon realise....... its stupid.

My friend is somewhat like me. I don't know if its cos we have the same horoscope or something, but we're both the same kind of people who always insist we're okay even when we know we're not. We'd rather face it alone.

Bumped into four people during work today.......... oh god the embarrassment.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-09T02:16:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm considered fake.. it just doesn't make sense to me.

I can keep myself occupied for a whole day and even night, with a bunch of friends. I can be forcing smiles and faking laughter when I'm hanging out with them, but once I'm alone, all traces of smiles and laughter vanish.

My closest friends can be trusted, but somehow I don't have the courage to open up. I have great difficulty doing so. The problem lies with me, not them.

A couple of weeks ago when I was finally having a heart to heart talk with Bea, she was telling me certain things about me which pricked my heart. I kept silent throughout, cos I knew if I opened my mouth to speak, tears would fall. She's been my close friend since I was 13, but somehow I don't like crying in front of her.

She wouldn't mind my crying, this I know. But I just refuse to allow the tears to fall. Not in her presence, not in anyone's presence. Its just.. not me. I dunno why either. Something I can't explain myself cos I don't even know why.

And a week or two ago when I was at Gen's place along with Cheryl or Cherring..... I know they were trying to knock sense into my head. I didn't really talk much cos all I wanted to do was to keep really quiet. I know I would start crying if I were to really pour my heart out.

Again, I know they wouldn't mind. But something in my head fiercely refuses to allow it to happen.

I'm the kind who shuts myself out from the world, out from reality when something bad hits me. I'm the kind who would vanish for a certain period of time if I could. Away from people, away from the internet, away from everything and everyone.

I have spent uncountable rainy nights out by myself.. sitting alone while the heavy rain pours. And I liked it that way. It was blissful, at least for a short moment.

I may be young, but I'm not naive. I may be a scatterbrain, but I'm sharp. I may have just turned 18, but I've faced many obstacles in my life already. So many that my closer friends who know what is going on always tell me "Val ah, your life is like a storybook!" hahaha.

I don't blog much about my personal life anymore, so if you think I have always been one of those happy and lucky girls...... think again. Obviously I don't blog about what's going on in my life, cos people who don't know me personally take my blog as some kind of a GOSSIP PLATFORM.

Girls (and even guys, HA) from my secondary school who were just plain acquaintances read my blog and thought they knew a lot about me. I'm quite sure they're still reading, in fact. Its been 2 years since I left secondary school, and I have been VERY tempted to blog (with names and pictures) of those who once bitched about me.

Oh yessssssss you people know who you are. ;) I will do that when I'm bored with plenty of time to spare, cos I foresee a war if I do so. Its okay, WHO ALWAYS WINS THE WAR???? Me, thank you very much.

There was one girl who was so affected by one of my entries 3 years ago cos it was seemingly directed right at her, she deleted me off Facebook and MSN then. Funny thing is, I HAVE NEVER MENTIONED HER NAME.

Do you remember how fake you were, darling? You smiled sweetly at me each time you saw me in school, but the minute my back was turned? I'm sure you know best. I have my own sources, you underestimated me. And my sources are VERY accurate.

Just like how you bitched behind my back, I'm very sure you didn't expect YOUR friends to do so, huh? Hahaha.

I'm quite sure some of my friends will be thinking "Aiyo, Val, its been SO LONG, why can't you just let the matter rest???" and the answer is no. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for revenge.. I'm just looking for a source of entertainment.

Furthermore, I am FREE to mention names (okay maybe not pics, don't wanna taint my blog) since I have graduated.

I dunno how come I can side track so much. I'm also expecting some sort of reaction after this entry... like, "Eh have you read her latest entry? I think she was referring to XXX!" cos it always happens.

Pretty obvious who I'm referring to anyway, but she isn't the only one. She will be accompanied by several others if I EVER find the time to do an entry, cos I think such entries aren't worth my time anymore.

I have better friends than she does. We don't go around backstabbing each other, the way she backstabs ALL her friends (yes even her "best friends"). If she needs some form of entertainment in her life, I'm ready to play with her.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-06T23:27:00.002+08:00

I meant to say "Please stay", that's all I could think in my head. But I could feel my lips open and I could hear myself say "All right. Go then. Bye."

With a temper like mine, this is how it has always been. Besides, no matter how much you ask a person to stay, he/she will leave you eventually.

2011-04-06T00:49:00.003+08:00

I'll edit some pics real quick to prevent this space from dying, I'm sorry! Facing a whole lot of emotional trauma (lol never thought I'd have to say this one day, I was always happy-go-lucky) which I'll get over soon.... I think.

The short getaway at Gen's did me good! She is a complete god-sent. I was at home on a Friday night getting mad and venting my anger on the walls, and she saved me from doing myself further damage. I was at her place till Sunday night and I loved the time spent there although I missed Kiki terribly. Update more soon!

Had chilli crabs and satay for supper earlier on. Feeling fat and satisfied now. My appetite hasn't been all good since like a month ago when trouble started brewing. Half a plate of chicken rice would suffice for the entire day, and there were times I'd live on plain water for two whole days.

My appetite and mood have been affected in crazy ways. Good friends have been coming up to me constantly, telling me that I've changed so much. From happy-go-lucky to.... I dunno, up to your own imagination I suppose haha.

I'll pick myself up soon. It has been a nightmare losing something so precious, I'm still very much affected by it. There is nothing I can do about it but to move on. I'm sure God has better plans for me in mind.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-04-03T22:32:00.002+08:00

Look at these GORGEOUS big-eyed babies.. aren't they adorable? So painfully cute.

My baby will inherit my big eyes with double eyelids in the future.

I know I've disappeared for a couple of days. Give me some time to get myself straightened out.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-30T01:09:00.003+08:00

I have a fight with my own struggles everyday. I'm growing weary from all the battles. I'm so afraid I'll give up one day and call it "the end".

What's "the end" like? Nobody knows. Will there be pearly white gates waiting for me in heaven, or will the jaws of hell get to me first?

x

2011-03-28T01:06:00.003+08:00

Guys always forget about the little things in a relationship. They may think nothing much about them, but to their girls, those little things mean everything.

And by forgetting, cracks in the relationship start forming. Once you reach the point of no return, both of you are over.

These little things can stem from anything. From your daily goodbye hug to asking if you've had your meal.

Two of my girlfriends just officially called their relationships "over" because they were tired of their boyfriends forgetting this, forgetting that.

I think guys just have the memory span of a goldfish, you can't blame them. Hahaha. True, no?!

2011-03-26T02:20:00.003+08:00

Today was extraordinarily mind-boggling.. but in any case, telepathy works.

I was on the bus, with all sorts of thoughts running through my head. Then I thought about Calise, about how she was doing.. pretty random I know. But I've not seen her in a million years, and I was just thinking about her...

.. and the next thing I know, I ran into her!!!!!! I stood there, rooted to the ground because I had such a shock, but all she did was to continue walking calmly towards me and give me one big hug. She's always so cool, calm and collected, sometimes I wonder what's her secret.

When I was hugging her, the first few words that came out from my mouth were "OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!!" and she didn't even have a surprised reaction. See what I mean by cool, calm and collected.. as always, that's her. She's the kind you can depend on, no matter what kind of explosive scenario you're in.

But of course, I've been very blessed. She's not the only one I can depend on. So so thankful, I should really count my blessings. ♥

Bea, if you're reading this, other than dinner with Mummy2, we've got a date with Cal!

Life has been nothing but extremely happening the past few days........ for the better or for the worse, I really have no idea. But it will get better, I'm sure of that.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-25T00:03:00.002+08:00

What I went through.. totally unnerved me. It was far more traumatising than what I had earlier on expected whilst preparing myself.

We're not talking physical pain here, we're talking emotional and mental pain. The entire process was nerve-wrecking, to say the least. Never thought I'd have to face this myself.

Yes you offered to be there, but I chose to face this myself out of anger, spite and stubbornness. This, I admit. Part of me didn't want you there anyway, for fear of false hope instilled in me. I've been broken enough, I can't take anymore pain.

Most of you reading this wouldn't get what I'm talking about, but that's fine by me.

Met Iris for supper barely two hours ago.. I didn't have to say a word. When she saw my face, all she did was to give me a hug. She didn't even know what was going on. Big big love to such friends, I'm truly blessed.

xoxo,
VAL

P.S: Been pretty upset for a long time now despite my weak attempts to act strong.... Sigh I'm such a wimp.

2011-03-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

Funny how we can build something up, just to watch it fall, like we meant nothing at all. I'm amazed at how I can actually function normally in the day, talking and laughing as if I'm being mechanically controlled... but when night falls and my mask is off, I come undone.

I've been through this pain once.. twice.. always with the same person. I probably should have gotten used to the pain by now, yet I'm not. All the fights are supposed to toughen this relationship up, make it stronger, but why are they doing the exact opposite instead?

And funny, how I can nestle in a best friend's shoulder, with her gently telling me "You're not alone", yet I can feel alone in every sense of the word. Guess its true that when you get attached, you get attached emotionally, physically and mentally.

Best friends are supposed to cushion the fall. The observant ones have been there, offering me a listening ear, yet I'm clamming up and telling them I want to be alone. I would beg them for an air ticket if I could, and run away to a foreign land for a couple of days to set myself free.

Is this how its supposed to work? I feel empty, and its as if a part of me has gone missing..

2011-03-22T12:03:00.003+08:00

There's always bad news coming my direction almost every single day. Can I run away already?? I could do with a break, alone.

2011-03-20T23:03:00.004+08:00

There's nothing more to do or say cos it won't change things anymore. Funny how you changed so fast in less than 24 hours.. barely 12 hours, in fact.

I've my freedom back but I don't know what to do with it, cos I've been without it for months. Gonna take some getting used to.

I just need to remember this: If he wanted to be with you, he would. If he wanted to call you, he would. If he wanted to talk to you, he would.

And all I really need to do now? Be happy, and do happy things. That's all that matters for the rest of the holidays.

2011-03-17T23:55:00.002+08:00

So I..... missed the picnic with the girls and Yeow today. :( I've been missing out on gatherings with them since forever. I'm so sorryyyyy, I PROMISE (pinky swear, okay?) that I'll turn up for the next one, cos I know its either for TX or my birthday hahaha. *shameless*

I was over at the boyfriend's last night and it was raining in the morning, perfect for sleeping in. Its not that I didn't wake up in time for the picnic, I DID! Xq woke me up but....... erm. Blame the rain? *sheepish face*

I've been trying to think happy thoughts all night.

Nope, not working.

And of course it isn't working. Because at the back of my head, all I really wanna do is to jet off to some sunny island all by myself. Just the plane ride alone would be so therapeutic~

I say 'by myself' because I wouldn't wanna talk. Other than words being exchanged in my head while trying to identify the real me, I don't wanna face anybody else. My head has been severely jammed up from being overwhelmed with way too many emotions all at the same time.

In fact I don't know what's going on with myself. I've not been myself ever since.. last week? My friends and family could tell the vast difference, but all I did was to convince myself that I was in a phase and it would soon pass.

Had a fight with the boyfriend earlier on and I started thinking.... I've morphed into somebody I don't know at all. I never used to be like this or like that. My friends would always associate me with terms like happy-go-lucky, or sunshine girl. Lately, all they've seen is me being upset, nothing more.

I don't know what triggered me to have been reacting negatively or picking fights as of late. My temper is getting shorter and shorter by the day, my amount of patience which used to seem never-ending has been decreasing drastically.....

Signs that I'm looking at a much-needed break, probably??

I'm throwing so many bitch fits recently and that is so unlike me. Xq is still sticking around, amazingly enough..

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-16T02:38:00.003+08:00

I realised we no longer see the need of meeting each other regularly after the break. Your "no" has proven it all.

Its been three days. Before the break, even one day apart would be a big no. After the break? Three days apart.. no big deal, isn't it?

Just like always, I actually had a blog post drafted for yesterday's date. Its not been published, and I'll never publish it. Doubt you would even want to read it.

I'm exhausted.

2011-03-15T02:28:00.003+08:00

So much has been going on and all I wanna do is to bury my head till everything has past, just like an ostrich.

Iris, if you're reading this, pictures please!!!! Hahaha. So ironic that I'm chasing you for them now.

Am extremely tempted to book a hotel room just for myself so I can run and bury my head there for the entire time I'm there. That would be absolute bliss. There are times everyone wants to be alone to recharge, this is one of those times. I need to recharge for the next six months of school, I have to do this.

Because I considered another alternative such as running away to another island and pulling Xq along with me but errr..... that is just not practical!! Are we gonna live on fruits and leaves?!

Been having a recurring nightmare recently, which involves a hit-and-run car knocking me down, leaving me there by the road. And by the time I'm finally conscious in the hospital, I see familiar faces. I recognise everyone. Almost, anyway. My memory has been stuck in Jan or Feb 2010.

I get so depressed each time I wake up cos I can see Xq's desolated face in the dream since I didn't know he was gonna be my boyfriend at the end of the year and all. And because its been recurring........... I've been very careful when crossing the roads lately. Yes call me kiasu but its better to be safe than sorry!

I've a smattering of thoughts up in my head at the moment. My head moves like clockwork, I jump from thinking about one thing to another in a split second. I guess this is why I'm such a disorganised person and even my own boyfriend can't stand me. :P

I think its from the fall I had today. I always thought I've been lucky for all my life, always scraping through everything based on pure intelligence, not hard work... Today's hit has proven me wrong. Its been six or seven years since I've last put in any hard work. Way to go for taking your intelligence for granted.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-12T17:44:00.004+08:00

So depressing to see the news everyday.... Two of my friends are currently living in areas coded "high alert", and they're like "I may die in my sleep tonight". One of them stays like three blocks away from the beach, the other stays on higher ground.

There's nothing we can do but to pray. We're residing in safe Singapore, we should help all we can.

Hope my friends are gonna be safe. x

2011-03-11T15:28:00.003+08:00

"You are the only one who can make your life better, nobody else."

I know.

"The greatest gift you can give to someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back."

2011-03-07T00:51:00.002+08:00

Haha this was definitely not taken in Singapore, would have melted before the pic was even taken. I LOVED the weather there. Everyone was complaining about how cold it was, except me. ^.^

Those were the good ol' days I had such lovely, sleek hair.. I'm staring at this pic really hard, hoping for my hair to go back to the state it was in the pic. And my face too, look at how small it was as compared to now.

Doing my hair some time next week, hopefully it'll go back to the state it used to be in. I've not been taking care of my hair, to say the least.

Spent about half an hour drafting the 259-pics entry....... its crazy long. Still deciding whether or not I should post it up.

Mom requested to keep my O Level cert earlier on cos I simply stuffed it into some random corner of a random shelf at home. My cert comes enclosed in a Dunman folder, and when I opened it to retrieve my cert, I found handmade cards from my ex-best friend, including an A4-sized one for my 17th birthday.

Plenty of memories.. forsaken.

She was there for my 16th and 17th birthdays. All the drinking and crazy times we shared, to the times we cried on each other shoulders.. we had a crazy lot of memories.

I still find it amazing each time I start reminiscing. Our friendship was amazing; we were so close, we had that deep connection. She was more than just a best friend, she was my sister.

We were so, so close..... until our friendship ended. Until now, I can say that I don't have a best friend. Yes I've got plenty of good friends and I'm grateful for them, but best friend? Nope.

I've never dared to let anyone that close to me anymore. The feeling of betrayal, I know it all too well. That familiar feeling I'll never want to experience ever again.

I was even guarded against Xq within the first month of our relationship, because I was afraid. Until I realised that he actually cares enough to break down that barrier I've built and I cannot be selfish.

For everything you've done, and for tolerating this temper of mine, thank you so much. ♥

I've lost a best friend, but I've gained an incredible boyfriend.

I know I'll never forget this friendship because its been too special. Its just like how some girls are unable to forget their first love despite moving on, I'm no different. I'm only different in the sense that its a friendship I can't forget.

Maybe in the years to come, there will be a new best friend who will take over her place. But she's irreplaceable.... okayValstopthinkingstopthinkingSTOPTHINKING.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-05T13:08:00.004+08:00

I was reading about some horoscope relationship compatibility stuff at length. I wasn't specially searching for it or anything, the link just appeared in front of me so I went to click it out of curiosity hahaha. I was never a strong believer in horoscopes, but I've always wanted to ask the strong believers "So is it true?" LOL.

And if it is true....... (taken from Zodiac Facts)

Aquarius and Aries Compatibility: An Exciting Journey Together

With the words ‘boring’ and ‘monotonous’ shunned out of the relationship, an Aries and Aquarius combo is really exciting and interesting. For them, life is an endless series of adventures. As fun and freedom are the keywords that define life for them, they will be always enjoying each other’s company. The Aquarius will be charmed by the spontaneity of an Aries while the creative and innovative intellect will be admired by the Aries. This mutual admiration and adoration will always keep them tied together. With ample understanding of each other’s ideals and views about life, they make a perfect match of creativity and action together. As both the partners are outgoing and, energetic and vivacious, they will need excitement and new experience for their mental stimulation with wild and strange expeditions. What makes the pair even more in tune is the progressive and dynamic approach they have towards solving the problems in life.

Aquarius and Aries Compatibility: Aries Woman & Aquarius Man

Aries woman & Aquarius man pair up for an excellent couple. The Aquarius will slowly come to know that her anger is all about a few seconds of rage and he will learn to cope up with it. (see, you will SLOWLY come to know more about my anger, start learning how to cope with it dear!!) This will make the couple head for a blessed and beautiful life together. No one will try to dominate the other (I don't agree with this, he's trying to dominate me hahaha), and the mutual natures and views will be respected by both of them (HE DOES NOT RESPECT MY VIEWS ESPECIALLY WHEN I SAY I DO NOT BELONG TO THE KITCHEN :@). The outgoing nature, love for adventure and unsurpassed intellect in her Aquarian partner (dear, read this, unsurpassed intellect in you somemore!!) will keep her forever smitten by him while he will be head over heels in love with her loveliness, eclectic beauty, aptitude and the zeal for life.

Aquarius and Aries Compatibility Problems

No relation is all bliss, unless the partners understand each other’s traits completely. The Aquarius are free-spirited individuals and they will be always in need of more space than the Aries. This may create a misunderstanding between the duo. (no misunderstandings because I give him all the space he needs, right???) The impulsiveness of the Aquarius can also irritate the Ram. However, the good news is, it is just an exceptional case, not a norm. (good that it's not a norm! Because I think I'm always the one irritating him all the time with my impulsiveness instead hahaha)

.

The Aquarius are cocooned in their deep and fascinating thoughts, and this is something that makes insecurity creep into the minds of the Aries as he/she will be clueless of what is going on in his/her partner’s mind. (I agree with the first part, but not the insecurity part. Hahaha.) This needs to be handled with tact and skill of the Aquarius. He/she should not forget that the Ram has a trait of being more dependent than the Water-bearer. (I'm too independent for my own good) The Aries should also keep in mind that it is the unpredictability of the partner that keeps the relationship exciting. The passion of the Aries is likely to get bored unless there are the quirks of the Aquarius to hold the interest of the Aries. (so this is why you're always acting mysterious?!?!?!)

Aquarius and Aries Compatibility Guidelines

In an Aquarius and Aries relationship, a little working upon the weak areas makes the bond between them strong for a blooming relationship.

Aries always gets matured and better with time (see, I won't be immature *to you* foreverrrr), and the Aquarius should understand that criticism of his/her weak points won’t help always (he doesn't criticise...... or maybe its cos I shut my ears when he starts telling me I'm fat hehe). It is about loving both the virtues and vices in the partner. Aries should always realize the significance of success in the life of an Aquarius and be the wind beneath his/her wings. The Aries may take the lead in the relationship (LOL this will never happen, we're talking about men's ego here), but never make the Aquarius feel dominated (hahaha the only time he ever felt dominated was when Kiki started humping him out of dominance, but she's learnt never to hump him now after a painful lesson).

With a little effort, the Aquarius and Aries Compatibility is going to work wonders!

Ooh, good to hear that last line. Hahaha. And I wasn't being sarcastic at the unsurpassed intellect part... he's proven himself to be pretty intellectual. I never knew he was this intelligent before, but then again I used to have a really bad impression of him hahaha. Glad that everything worked out for us eventually.

Time to start snooping on my brother and this particular girl's horoscopes.... just like a dutiful sister should.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-04T15:46:00.003+08:00

In case you can't already tell, I've had a "war" a few days back, and my feisty ladies (Cherring, Cheryl & Gen) were on my side! In any case, peace has been made so this case is closed.

Its probably too early to think about this, but one of my aunts suggested that I should go over to Aussie for a year-long break with my sister, after I've obtained my diploma in poly. Both of us could probably stay by ourselves and get a job each to sustain our living expenditures. Stress-free, just the way we like it, and also to give my sister time to think.

I asked my aunt if she thought a year would be too long, and she brushed it off, telling me that no matter what happens after my sister's decision has been made, at least she's experienced all four seasons.. its something both of us have been wanting to experience since we were young. We've only experienced winter (the snow-free kind of winter somemore) and summer, but not seen how beautiful autumn and spring can be with our own eyes.

I started thinking of all the possibilities that could happen. My sister and I could bunk in with Miss Lai since she'd be there taking her degree anyway, and three of us would spend our year in absolute peace and girly fun.

Then I was driven back to reality. As much as my sister is able to let go of everything here in Singapore immediately, can I do the same? The only other thing she's gonna worry about terribly is dear little Kiki. For me, other than Kiki, there's Xq to think of. How can I possibly leave him behind here for one full year?! Its impossible.

But my aunt is right, my sister needs a year-long break. Since she was 16 and stricken with that odd blood disorder, I've never truly seen her leading her life in peace. Its been nine long years now, she deserves that break.

Almost a decade of fighting for her life...... and she's still able to see me growing up, able to fight with me over clothes, and even seen me through all my ex-boyfriends just like how a sister should. I want her to be my bridesmaid at my wedding in the future, but I don't know how long she's left unless a miracle happens. So much for going to church and seeing miracles happening on other people but not on my own sister, sigh.

Smart me came up with a solution: If I can't leave everything here behind, how about letting Miss Lai and my sister know each other? Hahaha it would be 'problem solved'!

Bleh I really can't believe you guys are reading all this nonsensical stuff I'm writing about hahaha. The entry with 259 pics..... may not be published for some reason I can't disclose. Erm, we'll see again! ^.^

I'll edit pics and post them up soon anyway. Hahaha. If I ever will. I'm such a bad procrastinator that I can't even stand myself sometimes.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-02T22:23:00.002+08:00

Caught the flu bug at 4am when I was having supper with the boyfriend. I thought it'd be a passing bug, but noooo it stuck to me and my nose wouldn't stop running as if it was on a treadmill. On top of that I was having a sneezing catastrophe, all at the same time.

Decided I would do something to save the trees (stop using tissue paper, for instance. I've already filled like half the bin by then) and since I couldn't find my non-drowsy flu medicine I used to get from a quack doctor on a regular basis (when I'd skip school like 3X a week hahaha), I opened the medicinal cabinet reluctantly to pop a pill from Actified.

As much as their flu pills work almost in an instant (which is for the good of the trees, and for my nose), I hate Actified cos it knocks me out almost in an instant too. I popped that pill in the late hours of noon, and have been struggling to resist the urge to shut my eyes for a wink or two.

I resemble some drug-dealer, what with my glazed eyes and slow reactions. I think I really share a love-hate relationship with Actified hahaha. Can't believe you guys are actually reading all this nonsense.

So peace has been made after things got really nasty. But when we were still arguing, her boyfriend brought up one good point. "Just by blogging, what makes you think people will believe you and not us?"

That makes a lot of sense. General public WILL side me, because I am able to justify every single point. Very simple, really. People who actually read and understand have the basic level of intelligence needed to judge right from wrong. There are people who read and do not understand, yet they say they do, simply because they thought it was enough to read. -_-

General public will not side you, because you have nothing to justify. What basis have you to convince them with, your warped logic, or your weak attempt in rebutting?

Never play with fire if you can't take the heat. We've proven it.

Was at the boyfriend's place last night, cracking up over THIS. He certainly found the wrong person to pick on this time. Click on that link for more entertainment!

Gen got her point across neatly, and made it hilarious all at the same time. Brilliant entry! Gonna elaborate more on this tomorrow, my head is feeling so heavy from that one silly flu pill I took earlier on.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-03-01T18:44:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought peace has been made, a moron comes out from nowhere, yapping away. Even Kiki doesn't do that for no reason at all.

He has been directing NOTHING but profanities towards me and my friends. Seriously?? Is your command of the English language so limited that you have to use a string of profanity in EVERY line? It really, really shows your upbringing.

You're not in the picture to begin with, why butt in and shame yourself now? It makes no sense. Oh wait, morons have no sense to begin with.

Your brother asked for peace, YOU asked for war.

2011-03-01T01:22:00.002+08:00

Everything has come to a close.

I'll upload that entry with 259 pics soon. I spent days on it, haha.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-22T01:59:00.003+08:00

Been going through a multitude of emotions, and my vile temper is not exactly helping the situation right now.

Had a long blog entry done up last night in the heat of the moment, but decided that it should be published on my private blog and not here.

The boyfriend has been putting up with my ever-changing emotions and temper, and he's handling it quite well. Love you!

Can't wait for all these to die down eventually............ I need a break. A getaway, anything. The only times I feel at peace with the world is when my head is lying on Xq's chest while hugging him and listening to his gentle snores, or when I'm lying right beside a little sleeping Kiki with my face feeling her soft fur and listening to her gentle snores. These two make my life complete.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-17T23:48:00.003+08:00

Since I was young, I've always prided myself on being emotionally strong. Never would I allow somebody to see me crying no matter what. My family members have hardly seen me cry at all, because I would never let the tears fall in their presence.

Up to date, there has only been a small handful who have seen me breaking down. And when close friends attempt calling me when they know I'm crying, I do the next best possible thing -- shut my phone off. I walk away when I start crying, because I hate the idea of letting people know I've cried.

I know its only human to cry, but its something I've been trying to grow out of. I pride myself on being so strong, not many people know that I'm actually not. I'm human, just like any one of you. I don't get back on my feet as fast as you people think I do, I just pretend I can.

Xq, now you know why I'm always walking away.. it has nothing to do with you, its me.

Nine years ago, I was just nine. My sister was hospitalised for so many months, and my family had to battle with the fear of losing her for good. I didn't know anything about this at all, because my parents deemed me to be too young and kept everything from me. They sent me to my aunt's house, who was only too glad to take me in. They too, thought I was too young to deal with the fear of losing my sister.

I returned home after my long stay at my aunt's place, only too glad to be sleeping together with my sister again, in the same room. She looked different from all the medication the doctors have been feeding her with, that was all I could remember.

I only knew how close I was to losing my sister many years later, when I was much older.

I'm turning eighteen very soon. My dad looked me in the eye yesterday, and told me I was old enough to know what was going on.

"Your sister's life span is not like any of you or your brothers', she may leave you any time. You should give in to her more, stop fighting with her. I know she's the older one, but you won't have much time left to fight with her."

I won't go into details, but that is the harsh reality I have to face.

He also told my mom not to depend so much on my sister, because my brothers and I are all they have left once they are old.

I had to bite my tongue so hard, to refrain myself from crying right in front of them. So glad Xq is here with me..

I've always seen and heard of how pastors have healed tons of people stricken with leukemia, final stage cancer, diseases, everything. I want my sister to be the next walking and talking miracle. Is that even possible?

I want her to still be around, when I get married in the future. When we were younger, we made a promise that she'd be the bridesmaid. I no longer want to have my own room, if it means she has to leave.

The very real reality of how much time I have left with her.. still has not sunk in yet.

The purpose of this blog entry is not to gain sympathy, because I don't need any. Its a message for you to start treasuring each and every one of your family members, no matter what bad blood there is. Time is short, live everyday as if its your last. This sentence is so, so true.

I regret not treasuring my sister more, and for all the stupid fights we used to have. I can only hope its not too late. I'm not a person who knows how to show her emotions and I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm still learning how to.

Spend time with your family members too, not just your friends. There will always be that unbroken blood link between them and you.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-15T00:33:00.002+08:00

Happy 3rd baby boy!!! ♥♥♥

I love how you're so protective over me, and how you speak your mind freely in front of me. I love how you look into my eyes when you tell me what you think about us. I love how you're always making me laugh a second later after you've made me frowned. I love how you hug me, before lifting me right off the ground without warning just to hear me scream. I love that cheeky face you're always showing me, accompanied with that one finger. I love how you're still holding tightly onto me even when you're sleeping and you don't even realise it. I love the sound of your gentle snores when you're asleep. I love how you're always fighting with me over food. I love how you're always play-wrestling with me. And this list will never stop, because...

.... I love everything about you, and I'm in love with you.

I'm truly sorry for making you mad at times, because of promises I've failed to keep. I'll never let history repeat itself. Both of us have bad tempers, but I can tell you've been giving in a lot. My temper....... urgh.

"When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Nora Ephron

I'm barely 18, but I know what I'm doing. And I want the rest of my life to start already.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-14T01:07:00.003+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day, my love. ♥

2011-02-12T16:24:00.003+08:00

Pictures taken on CNY this year.. I've always been fascinated by baby Brandon's lashes.

Look at how naturally long and lush they are!! He was blessed with beautiful lashes since he was born.

Just to prove my point. Hahaha. Not only are they naturally long, they're naturally curled. Unfair or what?! I can only achieve curled and long lashes....... when they're fake.

Not only are his upper lashes long, so are his lower lashes. And he's also blessed with big, beautiful eyes. *face palm* Why didn't these genes come to me?!

He's 9 this year and no longer a baby. Sometimes I wish he'd be just like Peter Pan, never growing up.. At the back of my head, he's always that 3 year old toddler, wanting to be carried by me. He used to be very sticky to me, but I can't even hold his hand now.

"I'm a big big now!", or so he claims. Eventually he'll be a big boy of 18, and in my mind, he'll still be that little toddler. I really can't bear for him to grow up!

He has a pair of older siblings himself, and nope, they aren't blessed with the kind of eyes and lashes he has. In fact, these traits aren't from his parents.. so I'm wondering if it has to do with the fact that he was born in the States?? (he's not adopted, in case that's what you're thinking lol)

If that is the case, I'll make sure I'll give birth in the States before returning hahaha. I want my future son to look like him! Soooo adorable. *pinches cheeks*

If I ever have a daughter with Xq in the future, I want her to inherit his pouty lips. They kinda remind me of Angelina Jolie's!! But I wouldn't want her to inherit his height, lest she remains on the shelf. He's an insane 29cm taller than me now, and the distance between us vertically is gonna grow even bigger after he enters NS. -_-

And tada, an old pic found in my thumbdrive from prom night, 2009! Is that old or what?!

I know its blur, I've a second pic of both of them which is much clearer, but Huimin doesn't look as happy there. I can predict what's gonna happen if both of them were to see this..

"VALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

.. and possibly get strangled at the next gathering. ^.^

I miss all of you, and gatherings ALWAYS fail to materialise. Hellooooo can Auw Auw do something about it?! Don't give up. You're the only threat all of us fear hahaha.

Life's been relatively good, sans the stress from incoming exams. First day of papers fall on V-Day........ I know right?!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-11T19:01:00.002+08:00

I've nearly forgotten how it feels like to have a fever. I didn't take any medicine this time round, and surprise surprise! I recovered in less than a day hahaha. I'm just left with the throat infection (I think its tonsillitis, baaah) which hurts like !@#$%^&*() each time I swallow my own saliva or drink plain water.

Can't even eat a proper meal....... urgh.

Been receiving bizarre comments/questions on Chatango, maybe I'll post some of them up if my memory retains any. Hahaha. Leaving the house now to look for Fatso, tata!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-10T01:59:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to hate writing here, because I don't exactly know what to write anymore. I don't want to close this, because I want my thoughts to get to people, but lately..

I don't know what I can write in here anymore. I feel restricted by my own boundaries.

Wished I was back to where I was yesterday, in between layers and layers of nothing but warm, comfy bedspreads, on a soft heavenly bed with two strong arms around me........ :( That spelled paradise, but too bad the moment didn't last.

Sigh...... in case you can't already tell, I'm having severe mood swings. And its 2.30am, the fever is burning my head. That probably explains why I sound eccentric here hahaha.

I should be going now, goodnight!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-06T22:38:00.002+08:00

One pic from the first day of CNY to pique your interest. Hahaha. My eldest bro isn't in this pic cos he didn't want to. Camera-shy, or so he claims.

I was on a pair of 4" heels.. which would soon find its way to Jose's closet. I absolutely cannot handle heels higher than 3.5" anymore, ever since both ankles were sprained a couple of years back. An ex-friend of mine pushed me down the stairs by accident that year which resulted in the sprained ankles.

Was supposed to strike 4D on Wed, but I forgot to tell my dad the numbers I wanted. So I didn't, unfortunately. But to make up for that, I've been having major luck in gambling lately. ^.^ Thank you, lady luck!!

In the meantime, I'm still waiting for all the drama in my life to cease. I've been so stressed up lately that I took a walk by myself, the night before at 2+ am. I didn't know where the hell I was heading to, what I was gonna be doing, but I just kept walking.

I was alone, with nothing but the gentle night breeze to accompany me, and the sound of few vehicles passing me by. It felt like I was alone for a moment, truly alone, and I liked that feeling. I felt so calm, so relaxed.. even though I knew I was at the end of my tether, and would be breaking down any moment.

I was wandering aimlessly on the streets, somewhere near Upper Changi where there were plenty of factories or some sort of buildings, with just a car or two passing by every few minutes (I had no idea that place was so desolated late at night) and nobody else at all.

My friends would know that I would never do this, because I get afraid easily. Afraid that I'd see things I shouldn't again, afraid of lurking dangers nearby. But that night I couldn't even be bothered, and I was fearless. I just told myself that if I see things I shouldn't, I'll just pretend I never did, instead of freaking out like how I used to.

In the end I realised I was lost. I walked quite a distance, but my legs were not tired. I would have walked home if I knew the way, but I didn't. So I hopped into a cab (a life-saver!!) and went straight home.

I walked for almost an hour that night and loved it. It was a release for all my pent-up emotions. I think everyone should do this once in a while, considering how relatively safe Singapore is. The pace of life in Singapore is amazingly fast, we all get weary no matter what. Ever realise how well-rested you can be despite lesser hours of sleep, when you're on a holiday away from Singapore? .... or is it just me?

Promised best friend and his girlfriend I'd be in school tomorrow, they said they would be waiting to have lunch with me. ^.^

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-03T00:57:00.003+08:00

Happy new year! Hope it washes away every streak of bad luck.. 2010 was bad enough, 2011 is supposed to be better. Its only the beginning, yet......

I can really do without all the drama in my life, for instance. My life is a complete whirlwind, and a roller coaster with extreme highs and lows. I can't deny that they've made me into a stronger and tougher person, made me into who I am today.. but really, I can do without them.

I don't want my life to be a time line which resembles a roller coaster. I want it to resemble calm, peaceful waves of serenity.

Yet, in times of need, I'm always running to the same old people who never fail to lend me their ears, shoulders and pockets. Y'know who you are, thank you so much. For never failing to be there, for never failing to give me heartwarming advice.. and basically, for just being a trusted friend.

Words are never enough to express my deepest appreciation to these people.. Can never imagine life without friends like them.

My luck gets really good during CNY. I striked 4D, yet again.......

There's more to that line, hence the dots. But I'm not gonna reveal it yet hahaha.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-02-01T21:55:00.002+08:00

I have a pending advertorial, I can't be selfish and ditch this blog at this time. I'm sorry, I'll resume posting.. but you're not gonna read about anything personal here. I cannot afford to lose readers (I don't have many, in case you're wondering, but I won't reject anything that is to my benefit haha) cos I accepted that offer ages ago.

To the ones who have been coming back in the hopes of reading anything 'new' about my life (in terms of personal drama), don't even get your hopes up. I won't be posting anything related to that.

Hope I get as lucky as last year in the coming CNY!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-30T11:32:00.003+08:00

I'm deactivating all social networking sites, and this blog will go on a short hiatus. I don't know how long this hiatus is gonna take.. Few hours, one day, few days, few weeks, few months, few years?

I'll resume blogging once I stop feeling so broken.

I'm not alone.

2011-01-27T00:00:00.002+08:00

❤

Happy birthday, my love!

I love you fatty, no matter what or how you'll be like in the future. Fat, skinny, sick, healthy, rich, poor, short, tall......... I'll be there.

Love,
your love

2011-01-23T23:24:00.002+08:00

Alvin, Hao & Kelvin's joint birthday chalet. I remember the prawns.....

One of the pics found inside the thumbdrive, taken on the 29th of Nov'09. Tell me how long ago was that!!! I never got around to posting them up.

I brought Kiki down to the chalet with Pet and Seng Cheong's help. She was like the centre of attention all night!

Plenty of pics from prom night too. If Xq ever sees them he's gonna laugh his head off, methinks.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love waking up in the middle of the night, beside a sleep-until-the-dead-can't-wake-him-up Xq and planting a kiss on him even though I know he doesn't know it? And gaze at his cute lil face for two seconds more before sleep knocks me out again, and the last thing I hear before entering deep slumber are his gentle snores.

Too bad my previous laptop crashed before I could retrieve even more pics. So many from my sec sch days but they're gone just like that. Urgh.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-23T17:55:00.003+08:00

Plenty of pics to post!!!!! My dad found my thumbdrive, the one which I thought I had lost for a year and a half. So many old pics which I thought I'd lost forever.

And I've been dying to get a polaroid for some time, the one I've got my eyes on is $350? But I've just gotten hold of my dad's DSLR, a one which runs on film. He keeps his electronic gadgets in MINT condition, it looks perfectly flawless and brand new.

I'm very sure that old DSLR of his is at least a decade old, or older, but its current condition looks even better than my relatively new DSLR which was bought a year ago. -_-

Xq's birthday celebration at Social House last night. Bad night for me, but hopefully it was a good night for him, hahaha. Love you!

And Shuting saved me last night, but too bad she fell into temptation and gained a few thousand calories when she was with me. ^.^

Gonna sort pics out and post them up soon! Still so pissed at Blogger with that vanished Xmas Eve'10 entry which I spent 2 hrs on.

Later!! Gonna figure how to play with my dad's DSLR.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-21T00:24:00.002+08:00

I know I keep using the same few pics of us but I don't care!! My face looks slimmer in them hahaha, deal with it. I have other pics but I don't like my face in them cos its so round like a balloon. Or a clock. :(

I have an extremely complex mind which never fails to stop thinking, but the oddly ironic thing here is that I'm not excessively paranoid like any other typical girl. Because I understand what it feels like to need freedom, and personal space. Sometimes even I don't understand myself, but Xq is always trying to guess what's on my mind, every single day.

He cares a lot for me, and has never once made me feel neglected. Regrettably, I think he's felt neglected by me quite a couple of times though. Its not easy for me to strike a balance between my boyfriend and friends. Not easy at all, but I'm still learning.

I accept him for who he is, and for everything he's not. I'm not afraid of his past, because everyone has a past. I'm mentally strong enough to overcome his. He's never failed to give me all the assurance I need, time and again. I have a past too. Its not about how good or wicked the past was, its about starting afresh on new ground.

I've been facing issues in my life recently, and Xq was with me throughout everything, without me telling him to. And I'm very sure that he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I can always depend on 24/7.

We may get into really bad rows. I'm somebody impulsive and strong headed with a temper, that sorta explains why. I say things off the top of my head when I'm mad, thus hurting him again and again. But I've never once taken him for granted at all. When my anger has subsided, I start asking myself "What have you done to hurt the most important guy in your life besides your dad?", and think of what I can do to salvage the situation.

He's not walked away. Despite all the fights, I've never felt his care and love for me diminishing at all. I love you, my one and only. ❤

This silly boy told me a couple of days back that I'm gonna be the one proposing to him in the future, should we ever get married. He says its the 21st century now, times have changed. Hahaha. He's so cute, but I'm never gonna do it, 21st century or not. Its a guy's job and no, I'm not being sexist! ^.^

---------------------------

Its true that you can tell who your true friends really are when you are facing a certain issue in your life at some point of time. They are the ones who won't judge at all, but do everything they can to help. And even if they can't, they'll still attempt to help lift your spirits up.

Can I say that I love my friends more than ever?! *spams a million hugs and kisses*

Especially to Bea and Mummy2.. you guys got me so touched, I actually started tearing. I never got around to tell you how touched I really, really was. You guys are amazing, and I love the both of you. Its been 6 years, the bonds between us mean so much.

You guys are more than friends, you guys are family. And this line does not just apply to the both of you, but to my other close friends reading this. Y'know who you are!

Big hearts to every single one of you who bothered caring. I asked for a listening ear, but plenty offered theirs. I may not have told some of you the exact reason why, but the fact that you guys even offered your time makes me feel extremely appreciative!!

---------------------------

Now you know why its so hard for me to strike a balance between boyfriend and friends. And I'm typing all these while fighting the heavy urge to sleep, there's nothing more I wanna do than to curl up in bed right now..

But I can't. There's damned CRS and Logistics to complete. Its 1.30am as I'm typing this. Sleep beckons but urghhhh!!!!!!!!! Not to mention I've been sleeping less than 5 hrs a night for the entire week. My dark eye circles are getting as dark as Xq's!

I just mentioned above about how mentally strong I was, here's my chance to prove it. Fight the Zzz Monster, Val!

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-19T02:17:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought 2010 was one helluva ride, 2011 seems to be getting wackier. Few more hours to determine what my next step is gonna be. And this is only January. I cannot imagine what the rest of the year is gonna be like. Ha.

I'm really not in the best of moods right now. I've been facing so much stress these past few days, and its coming to an end tomorrow.

Sorry to the advertorial I still owe.. gonna be up soon.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-18T08:25:00.001+08:00

"Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best hurting speech ever." Now you know why i'm always refusing to talk when i'm mad, but neither do I mean to hurt you. You always say that my words are strong. I know they are, because I say them during heated moments. But never have I meant what I said.. Nothing good will ever come out from a fight.

2011-01-17T09:26:00.002+08:00

Took this pic way back, like 11 months ago? Taken when I was out with Christy and Iris, having our drunken prawns! *avoids death glares from the both of them for failing to upload pics on time*

Look at the pretty shade of lavender in the sky.. I never fail to feel (hey it rhymes!!!) absolutely at peace with the world when I'm with the both of them. We're always doing a threesome.......... outing, and I don't know what kind of kinky thoughts there are in your head now. Hahaha.

Was supposed to meet Christy for lunch last Friday as mentioned in the previous entry but I skipped school that day. So I'm gonna meet her this Friday instead and let our lunch date be my motivational force for school instead. ^.^

Been spending a lot of time with the fat boyfriend, my strong pillar of support. Both figuratively and literally. Love you fat ass! Kiki loves you too, hahaha.

Its amazing how much control Xq has over Kiki.. she sees him as one of her owners now. And since he spoils her so much each time he comes over, Kiki naturally loves him, A LOT. To the point where she does not allow me to touch him. Yes, that much!

My dear Xq, if you're gonna show me your arrogant face after this entry, you're gonna die tragically in the next one.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-15T15:26:00.002+08:00

Happy 2nd, love! ❤

2011-01-13T23:13:00.004+08:00

Its one of those days when I'm at a loss of what to do, with so many bizarre issues hurled my direction.

But in any case... I really love (most of) my lecturers from this and last sem. I'm the worst student in class and yet they will stop at nothing to motivate me in attending lectures, doing assignments, scoring better for tests.

I was absent last Friday and missed lectures again. J was telling me today about what Betty (our lecturer) has been doing behind my back, super touched! Other than doing her best in helping me for her module alone, she's been engaging the rest of the lecturers by dropping them emails about me. On top of that, she's been talking to my classmates, getting them to encourage me in coming for lectures and all.

J was telling me "Betty seems to like you a lot, can't you tell?" hahaha. Throughout last and this term, I've only seen her twice so far?? I feel guilty so I'm gonna attend her lecture tomorrow. I'm proud to say I haven't missed any lessons at all this week!

CH, our logistics lecturer (Miss Lai and I used to call him the 'remote control lecturer' LOL), was also proud to see me in his lecture this week. Super thankful for lecturers like them. Ship Ops' lecturer was proud to see me doing his assignments, and our accounting lecturer was just glad I'm doing her tutorials.

Walked past Econs lecturer (he taught Miss Lai and I last sem) the other day and he smiled at me. He was an awesome lecturer too!! He tried his very best to pass me no matter what. And that plump IT lecturer whom Miss Lai and I used to dislike, but she was actually trying her best to give me a pass too.

I know I sound like I'm a handful in school. I am. But these lecturers are the ones pushing me on, making sure I turn up for their lectures and all. Am extremely blessed to have them all as my lecturers..

For the ones whom I've not mentioned, like Tong, for example................. everyone in class probably knows why. Hahaha.

On top of these lecturers, two of the top students in class are helping me in my studies. So I should be able to get past this sem without a hitch, hopefully.

I know this entry probably sounds boring but I'm sorry!! I just wanted to archive this. I've only a three short years in poly, and I never once expected myself having such concerned lecturers like them.

Here's a pic to keep your wavering attention steady!

One of the dishes I had together with Anan............. on the last day of 2009. I haven't even blogged about that yet hahaha.

Meeting Christy for lunch tomorrow cos we both have a 3-hr break. Normally I would leave immediately during break, but there's logistics right after that. I'm gonna let CH see my face for the second time this week!

The boyfriend came over earlier on and he changed my laptop's wallpaper to.....................................................

no, not a picture of us together,

but a pic of World of Warcraft!! Cos he thinks he's cute like that. Hahaha.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-12T23:43:00.002+08:00

Xq has been complaining that I've not been cooking for him, so here you go!! This was made by me previously. ^.^

The proper entry thing just keeps getting pushed back cos I've been busy.. kind of.

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-12T00:27:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired of all the fights. With my parents, with Xq.. its draining me badly. I've shed enough tears for a reservoir, and I'm not even somebody who cries a lot/easily.

I've another entry for Xq on a private blog because those words are only meant for him.

Instead of sleeping all I really want to do is to be right where he is now, hugging him and assuring him that everything is fine. Can't wait to see him tomorrow..

xoxo,
VAL

2011-01-10T23:16:00.002+08:00

I'll do up a proper entry soon! Life has been reasonably good to me. I've been spending a lot of time with the boyfriend because I know I won't have so much time soon..

I love every single second spent with him. It sounds like my life revolves around him alone doesn't it hahaha.

Come back tomorrow night for a proper entry! I think.

xoxo,
VAL

Xq.

2011-01-09T22:18:00.001+08:00

I dont have pics of us in my phone cos we're always using the cam, so this will do. So so thankful I have Xq in my life, he's somebody who loves me just as much as I love him. Somebody I can rely heavily on without worrying about back up plans. Somebody I can trust entirely without a doubt. I love you, fat ass. Thanks for all the support you've been giving, and for all the tolerance you've been showing. <3

2011-01-07T01:46:00.002+08:00

I think I make a really bad girlfriend cos I neglect my boyfriend without realising it and he's not even mad at me.. I think.

Wished he was right beside me now so I can give him a big hug and kiss to tell him I didn't mean it. You're not transparent, you're my priority.